Cinematically Correct was fortunate enough to be given the afternoon off. Since it is about 173 degrees outside, I decided to spend my afternoon in the theater. I chose to see Will Smith’s latest, “Hancock”.
I will not mince words: this movie is awful. There is literally nothing you could possibly consider good about it. The special effects stink, the dialogue is brutally bad, & the plot (or what you could call a plot) is contrived & forced. It could go down as one of the biggest misfires in summer blockbuster history. Sure, it’s going to make a ton of cash but it’s really a piece of junk. Other than the “Bad Boys” movies, this is about as bad a movie you will see Will Smith star in.
Where to begin? Since the movie starts with an action sequence, I’ll rip those up first. The good news is that there isn’t any herky-jerky camera work that seems to be cropping up in action movies these days. You can really tell what is happening throughout every action piece. The bad news is that you can see how weak the effects are. When Hancock flies through the air, he looks extremely rubbery. A movie like “Iron Man” set the bar pretty high & “Hancock” pales in comparison to it.
The plot actually starts out with promise but unravels the further along the movie goes. Hancock drinks, curses, yells at kids, & destroys massive amounts of property that would cause hundreds of innocent deaths. Of course, that is never discussed. Instead, the general public focuses on the fact that Hancock is a prick. After some shots of Hancock sitting alone, looking all bummed out & drunk, he saves the life of a public relations guy, Ray, played with uber-sunniness by Jason Bateman. Ray wants to help Hancock become a true superhero, even though Hancock thinks that superheroes are “homos”. Ahh yes…I can’t wait to like the gay-bashing, alcoholic superhero that smacks little kids around.
Look, I get what they are trying to do here. They want to show a superhero that is more of a real guy who is alone in the world. If you really thought about it, that person would be lonely & depressed. That’s quite the burden for someone to bear. Why does that sound familiar? Oh yeah, it’s the same as every superhero tale & it was done in much better fashion with “Batman Begins”.
You wouldn’t know it from the commercials but Charlize Theron is in this movie. She is Ray’s wife, Mary. Other than looking extremely hot, Theron does nothing until the final thirty minutes. Unfortunately, those thirty minutes are really bad & this Oscar winning actress has to say some really, really ridiculous stuff. Come to think of it, even if Charlize delivered her lines while nude…it would still have sucked.
Hancock sees some error in his ways after Ray shows him some very unfunny YouTube clips of him destroying property & harming people. There is no doubt that YouTube helped pay a chunk of the $150 million budget. Hancock goes to jail for a short time (because he was held in contempt for skipping court appearances) & starts to reform himself. In jail, we see Hancock stick one man’s head in another man’s ass. Hilarity ensues.
Hancock leaves jail just in time for a completely ridiculous final thirty minutes of movie. Will Smith may have wished he had remained in jail. We are force fed a ridiculous origin of Hancock, in which we learn he is an angel…or a god…or something. It’s just kind of mentioned. Look, I don’t care if Hancock was one of the douchebag aliens at the end of “Indiana Jones 4″, the final act of this movie is an abomination. The fact that a producer read this shooting script & thought this movie was worth the money spent on it is mind-bottling. You know…it bottles the mind.
I was shocked that people in the theater were enjoying this movie. Normally, I stand firm beside my belief that it is impossible to dislike Will Smith. This movie made it happen. When he curses & drinks during the first half of the movie, he is not funny & I think he was supposed to be. When he cleans up & gets serious, the plot is nowhere to be seen & you just don’t care. The only thing keeping this from a Spam rating is…well…Charlize Theron is nice to look at.
Do you really want to know the best part about this movie? At one point, Thomas Lennon of “Reno 911″ fame shows up. That made me giggle.
7 Comments
July 6, 2008 at 4:28 PM
Dear god wtf is your problem i saw Hancock today and it was Amazing everyone Laughed a every joke that was told hell i did too but i admit the plot was horrible and cheesy at times and the train scene was poorly made in the special effects But “gay-bashing, alcoholic superhero that smacks little kids around” hes not a homo he mad the kid cry because the French bastard called him a “Asshole” which was stupid i guess Asshole is a hateful word and Crazy pisses the other “hero” Charlize it was a good movie and was awesome sometimes and great i love it the whole way and the fact that a douche bag called it the worst movie in summer history thats horrible to say it was not the best movie this summer but is good to go and see
July 6, 2008 at 4:36 PM
I don’t think it was that bad either, but each to his own I guess.
July 6, 2008 at 6:06 PM
you dick head you cant do good reviews or anything if you aint like it you must got your head stuck so far up your ass you cant see daylight.you are just mad cause that movie was fire o yes fire. No it didnt go up in flames this lil critic guy did tho cause he is a HATER….HOPE OFF THAT HATERADE
July 7, 2008 at 5:55 AM
Cow Jugs – That was the most impressive run-on sentence in history. I haven’t seen the English language butchered like that since I was in first grade.
By your rationale, if a kid calls an adult a dirty name, it is okay to smack that kid around? Also, I don’t think Hancock was a “homo”, Hancock thought it was okay to use that word to describe others. By definition, he is gay-bashing.
Anonymous – I will absolutely hope off that Haterade. Fo reals.
Nick – Congrats on the shoutout on Hollywood Elsewhere!
July 7, 2008 at 9:38 AM
I’m not at all surprised. When I heard there was a twist I figured it out in about 20 seconds. I’m not even going to bother with this, I’m going to stick with the Dark Knight. I’m also sick of Will Smith. I Am Legend sucked too. He puts too much of himself into these movies and I’m tired of the smug scientology idiot.
July 7, 2008 at 3:22 PM
I haven’t seen Hancock yet, and I have no intention of seeing it. Maybe I’m the only one, but I was very unimpressed by the trailer. I figured that it would be one of those films that would appeal to the masses, while holding little cinematic value. Based on your review, I’m glad I decided to spend $10 on The Incredible Hulk instead.
July 7, 2008 at 3:29 PM
I’m glad you spent the ten bucks on “The Incredible Hulk” too. “Hancock” needs to be stopped.