At Least It Can’t Get Any Worse Than “Aliens Vs. Predator 2″

Nanu Nanu Bitches.

Ridley Scott, who I feel is the second best director working today (behind Marty, we’re tight…I can call him Marty), is officially onboard as director of the planned and as yet-unscripted “Alien” prequel. There is much debate as to the subject matter of the prequel, but early word is that it is actually based around the character seen here, Mork…who of course is from Ork.

This douchebag with Entertainment Weakly wonders who will play Ripley in the prequel? Well, considering it’s a prequel and it would make absolutely zero sense for the Ripley character to appear, I doubt anyone will be playing Ripley in it.

Since I know you are wondering, yes, I do have an idea as to what the prequel should be about. Wouldn’t it make the most sense to see what happened on the planet that our gang landed on in the original “Alien”? How did all the alien cocoons with the face-sucker thingies get in their base? What’s up with the freaky ass big alien ship that had the huge dead alien in it? Where did Ripley get her hair permed in the future? These are all compelling questions that need answered in a prequel.

The Coens Are So Awesome That I Can’t Even Handle It

Since “Burn After Reading” has been on HBO recently, I’ve seen it more than two or three times now. I didn’t really like the movie that much when I saw in in the theater last year, but for the first time ever, I’m one of those people that finally have come to realize the genius of a Coen Brothers movie after the fact. There are a handful of Coen flicks that people just didn’t like the first time around, most notably, “The Big Lebowski”.

After watching the trailer for “A Serious Man”, I get the feeling that this may be one of those late bloomers. There aren’t any stars in this movie whatsoever and it looks like the Coens are leaving any semblance to mainstream comedy far behind in this one. I always try to keep in mind that odd just for odd’s sake doesn’t necessarily make a movie good…however, Coen Brothers odd is usually a guarantee of greatness.

Wops On Film: An Italian Movie Character Study

Boppity boopy?

Cinematically Correct disclaimer: I am Italian. I’m totally allowed to mock the nationality.

There are many famous Italian movie characters, the majority of which are from “The Godfather”. If you were to make a list of the Best Italian Movie Characters, you could almost fill out the top ten with “Godfather” characters. Since I love lists, I decided to come up with, you guessed it, the Best Dagos On Film list. There are no arbitrary rules to this list…just my favorites in no important order.

• Daniel LaRusso, “The Karate Kid”. Make no mistake about it, Daniel is the greatest fictional Italian karate fighter ever. Just try and think of one better than him. I dare you.
• Billy Batts, “Goodfellas”. If you haven’t told somebody to go get their shinebox, well, you haven’t lived.
• Guido Orefice, “Life Is Beautiful”. Let’s see…Italian Jew that sacrifices his own life to save his son? He makes the list.
• Jake LaMotta, “Raging Bull”. I just had a brilliant idea…who wins in a fight, LaRusso or LaMotta? One caveat: It’s the Fat LaMotta.
• Lefty Ruggiero, “Donnie Brasco”. I could watch Lefty trying to break into the parking meter one thousand times and still laugh. Remember, Lefty’s known in all five boroughs. Fahgettaboutit.
• Vito Corleone, “The Godfather”. “Look what they did to my boy…” Is there a more emotionally powerful moment in the entire runtime of “The Godfather” trilogy?
• Johnny Cammareri, “Moonstruck”. No movie shows the overly dramatic Italian family than this one…and Johnny takes the emotional cake in it. He lost his hand, his heart, his brother, his mother, it’s more tragic than…
• Michael Corleone, “The Godfather, Part Two”. Sure, the first movie has some quality Michael…but he has his own brother killed in the second one. Even for the mafia…that’s cold.
• Tommy DeVito, “Goodfellas”. This is the only entry on the list to kill another entry on the list. Go watch “Goodfellas” again and tell me it isn’t a dark comedy. Seriously, it’s hilarious.
• Tony Manero, “Saturday Night Fever”. John Travolta created what is not only the greatest Italian on film ever, it’s probably the greatest thing to ever happen in America. There should be a Tony Manero statue somewhere.
• Loretta Castorini, “Moonstruck”. It’s one of my favorite movies ever and the only bad thing about Cher being so fantastic in it is that it led to more Cher acting.

The True Answer To Who Should Play Captain America

That's one good looking son of a bitch right there.

After watching Ed Norton in “The Incredible Hulk” for the second time tonight, Mrs. Cinematically Correct and I have decided that Aaron Eckhart needs to play Captain America in the proposed Marvel Studios upcoming flicks. So, the lineup for the “The Avengers” movie would be Robert Downey Jr.’s Iron Man, Norton’s Hulk, that blond dude that’s playing Thor, and then Eckhart as Captain America.

Why not Eckhart? He’s perfect for the part. He’s got that super hero chin and it would look fantastic in a super hero mask. Since I’m quite positive this blog has tremendous influence on Marvel Studios and their casting decisions, we’ll be sure to see Eckhart cast as Cap quite shortly.

The Robin Wright Penn Dilemma

Much hotter now to be rid of Sean Penn.

There hasn’t been much real writing posted here in quite some time. My recent unemployment has left me bored, lazy, and very into NCAA Football 10 on the X-Box. All of this has kept me away from the computer and thus, away from the blogosphere. Today, my wife had an interesting thought while channel surfing…what’s the deal with Robin Wright?

See, the awful, terrible movie “Message In A Bottle” was on TBS or something like that. Well, Robin Wright is awfully hot in that movie. We started wondering why she seems older looking or not hot in so many movies. There just isn’t any in between; she either looks fantastic or really boring. Here are some examples of movies in which she is hot:

- “The Princess Bride”, “Message In A Bottle”, “Forrest Gump”, “Moll Flanders”, “State Of Play”

…and the not hot ones:

- “The Crossing Guard”, “Hurlyburly”, “The Pledge”, “Unbreakable”, “Forrest Gump”

“Forrest Gump” is in both lists because when Jenny is young and trying to be a folk singer, she’s totally hot. When Jenny goes hippie and is strung out on H…not so much buddy. So, it makes both lists.

Cinematically Correct note: The one thing that isn’t debatable is that Robin Wright is pretty damn good in every movie though, regardless of her appearance.

That Cool Blue Light Hat Really Brings The Room Together

Best Effects. Ever.

The viral marketing for the “Tron” sequel is up and running…and taking full advantage of The Dude himself, Jeff Bridges. Bridges played Kevin Flynn, the guy that got zapped into the computer mainframe world in the original film. This website is called “Flynn Lives” and it has a timeline that brings us all up to speed on what happened to this dude since the original movie. Last I had heard, he lived alone, hung out with Walter Sobchak, and was a big bowling fan…so I was way off.

“Tron 2.0″ is due to hit theaters in 2011, which makes this marketing campaign two years ahead of the movie’s release. They better have some creative stuff going on or this little campaign will die out too soon. For all the genius behind the “Cloverfield” online marketing, it petered out towards the end and just wasn’t that interesting toward the end. Now, the online stuff for “The Dark Knight”? 100% gold.

The Erin Andrews “Video”: The Sleaze Market Has Reached A New Low

America's Sideline Princess

After initially reading about the Erin Andrews so-called video on Deadspin (where else?), I knew it would only be a matter of time before the mainstream media picked up on the story. Of course, I didn’t think they would actually take stills from the video and start posting them in their stories. Yes, this is a news worthy story to report but do you have to willingly spread the filth around? There are several TV stations, newspapers, and websites that are quite guilty, but none more than the New York Post. Three screenshots from the video with black censored bars over her? Pretty weak stuff folks. How these media outlets think it’s okay to post stills of the criminally invasive video completely blows my mind.

I feel a bit hypocritical to bitch about the way this story is being handled, since I routinely call her The Sideline Princess and like when she is reporting on a game because, well, she’s nice to look at and she seems like a sweetie. Of course, I’m not checking the video out but still, my attitude towards her is what makes blogs (yeah, you Deadspin) post pictures of her and comment on her looks, rather than her skills.

When videos of Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton get out there, it’s due to their own stupidity for making home-made porn in the first place. While crass, it’s seemingly okay to look at them with disgust or mockery. Prior to this video, fans had what seemed like school boy crushes on Erin Andrews, which seemed okay and safe because Andrews is exactly the opposite of those skanky, nookie girls like Lisa Guerrero, who took her gear off for Playboy.

Those women like Kardashian or Guerrero allowed themselves to become sex objects with their purposeful behavior. Erin Andrews became a sex object when it was never, ever, her intention. I’ll never be able to see her on television again and not somehow feel guilty for contributing to the way she is treated. Maybe, in the long run, this awful travesty will finally get Erin Andrews what she has wanted all along: to be taken seriously.

This Just In, “30 Rock” Nominated For Supreme Court Justice, Miss America, & Finalist On “American Idol”

Once again, the Emmy voters have decided to shower the average, moderately funny “30 Rock” with nominations. So much so this time, that it now has more nominations in one year than any other show in history. Think about that one folks…more than any show ever. That means more than “Cheers”, “The Cosby Show”, “Seinfeld”, “I Love Lucy”, “The Sopranos”…every show ever. Even if you like “30 Rock” (which I definitely do not), you have to see the flaw in that new statistic…don’t you?

Here are my initial thoughts on the nominees…

• No problems with the Best Drama or Best Comedy nominees. It’s easy to be okay with the choices since they nominate every show on TV for these awards…I mean, isn’t seven a few too many? Of course, I’m pulling for “Lost” and…
• “Flight of the Conchords”! The voters showed a lot of love for what has become the funniest show on television. Jemaine Clement was nominated for Best Actor, Comedy…but I am sad for Bret McKenzie, who is equally as brilliant on the show. Get rid of Chuck Sheen or the overrated Tony Shalhoub to make room for Bret and you have yourself a great category there.
• The Emmy voters again give the majority of the “Lost” cast the shaft. Hopefully, Michael Emerson will finally get his Supporting Actor, Drama trophy this year…but how screwed over are Josh Holloway and Elizabeth Mitchell this time around?
• Stop nominating “Saturday Night Live” for things. It wasn’t even remotely close to funny this past year and it is only good if you DVR it so you can zip through the crappy skits.
• So “Family Guy” is nominated for Best Comedy but not Best Animated Series? That’s a bit insane to me.
• “30 Rock” has too much stunt casting. It’s a bit much that “Extra, #6″ was nominated for Guest Actor in a Comedy Series isn’t it?
• Craig Ferguson…your show was totally hosed, you hilarious Scottish son of a bitch you.

The Sixth Harry Potter Installment Leaves You Begging For More

After six installments of a film franchise, one would think that characters, plots, and ideas would be getting quite stale. You would start to get a sense of repetition. Once the Star Wars franchise hit number four, it became apparent that the story and execution was failed and most intelligent movie goers begged for it to just stop.

The “Harry Potter” series has done the exact opposite of the obvious trend one would expect. As the character and his friend’s have aged, the movies have gotten better and better in every way. The money that the films make allow the creators to spend more and more on the visual effects, which are front and center in “The Half-Blood Prince”. This installment is easily the most visually appealing and interesting of the series so far. But…is it the best “Harry Potter” yet?

Whip Out Your Wand…It’s Harry Potter Time

My Wand Is Bigger Than Harry's

As an unemployed schlub, I will be seeing “Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince” this afternoon. After checking the local theater times, I see that I could go see it at 9:30 am…which is completely nutty. It makes me wonder how many parents were forced to take today off so they could take their bratty kid to see the movie this early. It also makes me wonder how many fanatic, dorky adults that dress up like Snape blew off work today as well. Quick! Run to your IT department and see if they are all working today, I’ll wait.

My review should be up later today or early tomorrow.