Who Needs The Dow Jones When You Can Follow The Cinematically Correct TV Index?

It’s been almost one week since I’ve posted anything. It’s simply been a slow summer for me since I’ve been out of work for a few months. Since I’ll be back at work soon, I’m sure posting will pick up. See, some people take smoke breaks or little five minute time outs away from their desk at work…not me. I take Internet breaks.

In the meantime, I’ve come up with a way to track what I think of the TV shows I watch. It’s the Cinematically Correct TV Index. If there are any shows that you watch and are interested in grading each episode, email me and I’ll post your scores.

“FlashForward”…Grrr…Now I Have To Obsess Over Another Show! Damn You ABC!!

Add another hour to the DVR this Fall...

Well, it’s gone and happened again. ABC continues to be the only network (other than HBO) airing TV shows worth anything with the debut of “FlashForward”. Fortunately, this show doesn’t seem to be a poorly conceived “Lost” rip-off like many shows before it. Instead, “FlashForward” is a very clever rip-off of “Lost”.

In case you don’t know, the entire idea for the show is that everyone on Earth went unconscious for two minutes and seventeen seconds. During that time period, everyone (well, mostly everyone) saw a brief flash of themselves on April 29th, 2010. This information alone should make all the geek pants fly right off. I mean, I’ve already Googled that date, the time, added up the numbers for the date and Googled it, it’s insanity really.

Here are my top three moments from the show so far:

1. What’s up with the date, April 20th, 2010? I’ve Googled it and found nothing so far. What about the time they were out? Two minutes and seventeen seconds? Googled it too…nothing. I’m sure that some geek will get some insane theory online soon.
2. Do you get the feeling that this whole flash that Mark (Ralph Fiennes) is being approached in a bad way? What if all the things that he saw in the flash are all potentially bad things and by pursuing these random things, Mark is putting people in danger?
3. Not surprisingly, my geeky sci-fi mystery pants flew right off when we saw that dude walking around Tiger Stadium during the blackout. I’ll keep watching the show just to find out who that dude is. That’s the kind of scene that hooks people and will bring people back all on its own.

So, I’m in for the long run on this show. It’s got its hooks in me and I’ll stick around for the entire series…barring a complete and total “Heroes”-ish collapse.

At Least Conan Still Gets The Indie Acts…

The indie rock snob supergroup Monsters Of Folk released their debut album yesterday. I’ve given the album a listen and…it’s okay. I know, I know, how could an album with M. Ward, Jim James, Conor Oberst, and Mike Mogis be bad? It’s not bad as much as it’s kind of underwhelming. This could be the case of me expecting these 15 tunes to change my life or something, so maybe after a week or two of listening it will grow on me.

Here’s the gang on Conan last night:

Add “Extract” To The Most Disappointing Of 2009

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen a movie that bummed me out like “Extract” did this past weekend. Sadly, this is two straight times that Mike Judge directed and written flicks has done it to me. Sure, “Extract”, like “Idiocracy” before it, has some funny moments coupled with a few memorable one-liners…but this movie just doesn’t hold up with recent much better comedies.

The main problem with this movie is that it doesn’t know what it wants to be or what direction it is going in. Are we going to follow Joel (Jason Bateman) and his failing marriage to Suzie (Kristen Wiig)? What about Joel’s flavoring extract plant and the injured worker? Oh, don’t forget about Joel and his stoner friend Dean (Ben Affleck). Then, throw in a bunch of recognizable character actors as plant workers (most notably, the great J.K. Simmons) and you start to wonder if this another clever observation about the workplace. Did I forget to mention bad girl Cindy (Mila Kunis)?

I think you get the idea. Sadly, this big mess can only be attributed to either poor writing or poor directing, which means that blame lies right on Mike Judge’s door. The really unfortunate thing about it is that you can see a funny movie in there somewhere, but there is simply too much going on and it pulls this movie in too many directions.

Hopefully, this doesn’t ruin Jason Bateman’s chances at headlining a movie. He does his best, despite being pulled in a hundred directions. He does awkward rage as good as anyone and gets a few chances to show it off here. Sadly, he is the straight man in this movie and doesn’t really have any of the few funny moments.

The few funny bits (I mean very few) are really left to Ben Affleck. He does have a few memorable lines and the majority of the laugh out loud moments are due to his lines. Most surprisingly, Mila Kunis and J.K. Simmons are completely wasted here. Kunis just looks hot (which isn’t tough) and Simmons actually seems to be sleepwalking through this part. It’s tough to blame him since this is his 103rd movie in the past two years…seriously, he is in everything.

The Keanu

Is it possible that Mike Judge hit movie gold with “Office Space” and has nothing else? It seems to be that is the case since these last two movies can’t even hold a candle to the greatness of his debut movie. “Extract” needed to pick whether it wanted to be a movie about the workplace or a movie about marriage because mixing both just didn’t work out in this case.

Cinematically Correct note: Gene Simmons (yes, that Gene Simmons) shows up as a slimy ambulance chasing attorney…and it isn’t funny. That alone should explain why this movie fails.

Leave It To HBO To Find The Perfect Role For Jason Schwartzman

Last night, HBO had an hour of television that could become the funniest sixty minutes you will spend in front of the TV for the next few weeks. Last night, the first half was the seventh season premiere of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” and the second half was the series premiere of “Bored To Death”. Being a day one “Curb” fan, you may be shocked to know that I actually think “Bored To Death” was way better and has the potential to be a better show in the long run.

You can call him Larry, I'll call him "Life Coach".

The first episode of “Curb” had some loose ends to tie up from season six, in addition to setting up what will become this season’s running theme. There is always one central story line to each season and this time, my guess is we’re going to watch Larry attempt to win back his wife Cheryl, who left him last season. Of course, we alson have to deal with the Black family and the fact that Larry is romantically involved with Loretta Black (Vivica A. Fox). Toss in the mentally ill sister of Marty Funkhouser (Bob Einsten), Bam Bam (played by the great Catherine O’Hara), and we’re off to a great start.

Unfortunately, last night seemed a bit too phony to me. I love hearing Susie Greene scream at Larry but last night, it was forced, especially the whole “who’s coming to the party” argument. Besides, she didn’t even drop any f-bombs at Larry or Jeff so it’s just not the same.

Galifianakis + Schwartzman = Badassery.

Being a fan of Jason Schwartzman (so much so that I own Phantom Planet albums), I’ve been looking forward to “Bored To Death” for quite some time. Not only am I pleasantly surprised with how good the first episode (titled “Stockholm Syndrome”) was, I’m convinced this show is potentially as good or, dare I say it, better than “Curb Your Enthusiasm”.

This show centers on a New York writer/reporter Jonathan Ames (Schwartzman). After being dumped by his girlfriend Suzanne (Olivia Thirlby), Ames, in the midst of depression, posts a listing on Craigslist that declares he is an unlicensed private detective. He is shortly contacted by a girl who is looking for her missing sister and, for the rate of $100 per day, Jonathan takes the case.

If you have HBO and you didn’t watch this show, you need to check it out. Not only is it a clever detective noir story, it’s downright hilarious. Although, if you don’t like your humor dry, you may not dig it because this makes the Sahara seem like the Amazon.

Mark my words right here and now: Jason Schwartzman will win awards for this role. It is a great part and it is tailor made for Schwartzman. Add in a healthy dose of a subdued Zach Galifianakis and HBO, you have a hit show on your hands. “Bored To Death” also stars Ted Danson as Ames’ marijuana-obsessed boss, which means that you could potentially see Danson in three shows this fall, “Curb”, “Damages”, and now this.

Michael Emerson Wins Emmy!

...and all is right with the world.

It’s about freaking time.

That is all.

NBC To Air It’s Only 30 Minutes Of Programming Worth The Space On A National Network

You have to love when the fall television schedule starts to pick up steam. It picked up a bit this week with the debut of “The Jay Leno Show”, which I’ve watched each night. Well, that streak ends this evening because that show is freaking terrible. Man, it’s just bad. Those sketches aren’t funny, his interviews are lame as usual, and those musical guests? Good God. When Conan got “The Tonight Show”, he had Pearl Jam on the first night. Leno gets f’ing Jay Z and douchemaster Kanye West? I know they sell tons of records but come on…who the hell wants to watch rap music performed live?

Tonight, NBC will premiere “The Office”, which is the only piece of programming they have worth watching now that Conan has sold out to the Lords of Weak Comedy. I’m going to check out the promising looking “Community”, mostly because I think I like that Joel McHale fella and who doesn’t want to see if Chevy Chase can still be funny?

Why This Nike Commercial Is Awesome

Fact: David Fincher hasn’t made a bad movie yet. “Seven”, “Fight Club”, “Panic Room”, “Benjamin Button”, even “Alien 3″ is good.

Fact: “Children Of Men” is a badass movie. Sadly, nobody saw it.

Fact: “Lost” is the greatest television show of all times.

Fact: This Nike commercial, titled “Alter Ego” was directed by David Fincher, shot by “Children Of Men” cinematographer Emmanuel Lebezki, and has several music cues straight from “Lost”. All of this makes the the Greatest & Most Important Commercial in the History of Humankind.

Does “A Single Man” Give Colin Firth A Shot At Oscar Greatness?

This trailer for “A Single Man” starring Colin Firth sure pours on the drama doesn’t it? The strings, the upset-looking people, the always crying (but not as much as Meryl Streep) Julianne Moore…it’s got indie drama written all over it and it was just picked up by the Weinstein brothers. Naturally, this will put the movie right in the Best Picture race.

My wife and I were just wondering what the hell happened to Colin Firth. I’m a fan and his bit in “Love Actually” is the best part of the movie. Here’s hoping Firth gets his due soon!

Who Dropped The Bigger Douchebomb, Serena Williams Or Kanye West?

Hope, Change, & Douche In 2009

There’s no need to go on and on about the Serena Williams’ outburst or the Kanye West interruption as I’m sure you are already sick and tired of hearing about it. However…has anybody asked you the following question about it?