From Monkey To Man To Paul Bettany…Is That Progress?

Welcome back from your Christmas holiday! Here’s hoping you had a nice time with friends and family! Other than being sick as a dog, mine was stellar. What better way to continue to celebrate the birth of Jesus than watching a trailer for “Creation”, the movie about Charles Darwin’s Theory Of Evolution.

I kid, I kid. I really believe that if someone really and truly thinks that human beings aren’t somehow related to the ape, that person is probably a bit nutty. However, didn’t it all have to start somewhere? I don’t think that God simply plopped a human being down on Earth and said, “Get to it”, but I do think that some sort of Higher Power got the ball rolling in some fashion.

Hope Your Christmas Rocks The Most

Since I’ve been bombarded by an ice storm and UPS delivered my Parent’s Blu-Ray player to the wrong f’ing address and we can’t track it down, there won’t be any treks to the movies or “Lost” Blu-Ray watching. This is a drag. However, it’s Christmas, I’m with the family, so it really can’t be better than that. Hope you Christmas is fantastic!

Now There’s A “Lost” Promo That Rocks The Most

Here’s a new ABC promo for the sixth and final (sad face) season of “Lost”. Per Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse, there is zero new footage…which I think is totally fine. Other than knowing that almost every single character in “Lost” history will appear at some point this season, I’ve stayed completely spoiler free.

Can all the “Lost” fans keep it together for another month?

Getting Tougher & Tougher To Say No To New Year’s In OKC

The biggest ballon drop? Biggest mirrorball? I am three hours from Oklahoma City…would passing up The Flaming Lips on New Year’s Eve in their hometown be completely insane? The entire trip could be reasonably pulled off for around $250…and Wayne is really selling it.

Brittany Murphy’s Death Is Sad But Not Surprising

It’s very sad to hear about Brittany Murphy. It’s never good when anyone dies so young, but when you abuse your body in the manner that Murphy was rumored, it’s almost inevitable. She hadn’t really done anything in quite some time but her “Clueless” performance was genius. Let’s try and remember her for that comedic gem and not the problems she had later in life.

Cinematically Correct Reports: The Christmas Beatdowns

Christmas is great and all, but there are several things that are a complete and total ass whip surrounding the holiday. Traveling to see family, getting gifts, that’s all great stuff, sure. However, you know it, I know it: At least 50% of the things you have to endure are a timewaste. It’s just that I’m brave enough to anonymously blog about it and you aren’t. Faced.

Look, I dig Christmas. It’s a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Of course, December 25th isn’t the actual confirmed date of his birth. I called Bethlehem Regional Medical Center and they have no record on file so I can’t get an answer on that one. Man, their record keeping sucks.

So what stinks about all this? How about the office Christmas party? Brutality. There’s really nothing good about it. Just because you are forced to spend more time awake with these otherwise total strangers than you would your own family doesn’t mean that we’re all chummy, know what I mean? How about instead of a Christmas party, you let us all go and be with our families since we, you know, really love them and all.

Nobody wins with a Snuggie.

Don’t even get me started on the blind gift exchange. Good Lord. In an effort to thumb my nose at this ridiculous practice, I almost bought the person I drew a Snuggie. I mean, I have a hard enough time buying the people I care about a good gift. What do I really know about this person that I picked out of a hat? That they really seem to enjoy writing with a Sharpie?  I look at this as simply stimulating the economy, nothing more.

Potluck lunch. Throw up all over this one…or if you are as lucky as I am, you’ll eat and then pray to the Sweet Lord Baby Jesus that you actually don’t throw up. Your plate will normally consist of items so random that the Man Vs. Food guy would run for cover. Seriously, who wants to eat fried turkey, an egg roll, and a tamale? I am not kidding either. Those are options for me.

Snoopy freaking rules.

Enough with the work Christmas beatdowns, how about Christmas music? The worst people, the worst. I can’t handle it at all. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m a huge, huge fan of the Charlie Brown Christmas album. Oh, I also like the Sufjan Stevens Christmas albums, but only about ten people have heard those.

So no Nat King Cole, no carolers, and please God, no “Jingle Bell Rock”. Who wrote that piece of junk and how do I contact them in order to heckle?

Am I going to hell for hating this?

All of that is really secondary to this ultimate Christmas power down. If someone can point out the Bible verse that talks about Santa Claus visiting the manger in which Jesus Christ was born, it would greatly be appreciated.

This really is such an insane religious power play. At some point, some schmuck sat down and said, “What do people love…they love Jesus and Santa!” Thus, the whoring out of Santa Claus, Christmas, and Baby Jesus was born.

Imagine how I’ll feel when one day, the Three Wise Men are depicted bringing Baby Jesus a Tony Hawk skateboard, the Twilight book series, and an X-Box. Then you know it’s full out idiocracy folks.

I’m not trying to bag on Christmas, just the silliness that constantly surrounds it. I really do think Christmas is a great time of year. I just don’t need to hear that idea phrased 1,000 different ways in a song is all.

How About An Oscar For Ed Helms & His Performance Of “Stu’s Song”?

Your Oscar Winner For Best Song?

Believe it or not, “Stu’s Song” from “The Hangover” is on the short list of songs that are up for the Academy’s Best Original Song category. Yes, Ed Helms wrote that sucker and he would get the credit for it. I don’t care how it happens, but I want, no, need “The Hangover” to get some Academy Award nominations. I’m sick of comedy being neglected at that show.

There are some cool singers on the list as well. You’ve got Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs for her “Where The Wild Things Are” work and Jack White for “It Might Get Loud”, among others. Here’s hoping they both get nominated so they can freak out the Oscar audience.

The Genius Of “Inglourious Basterds”

Since I missed work yesterday due to illness, I was able to spend the majority of my day wrapped up in my Snuggie (for real), playing X-Box and watching movies. I’ve become obsessed with the new NHL 2010 game, which begs the question: Why are hockey video games always the best games?

Best Actress '09

More importantly, I had picked up the “Inglourious Basterds” Blu-Ray on Tuesday so I watched it last night. That movie is way, way better than I initially thought. First off, Melanie Laurent is 100% badass. Where is her awards talk? Not only that, but Brad Pitt is pretty damn fantastic as well. What about him? I realize that only so many performances can be recognized but these really are two of the finest jobs of 2009. Of course, Christoph Waltz is going to win the Best Supporting Actor Oscar going away. It’s an inevitability.

Actually, I wouldn’t have a problem with Quentin Tarantino walking away with two Oscars, one for Best Original Screenplay and the other for Best Director. He won’t win Best Director, but he realistically should win the other. This movie really is a stroke of genius for somebody I felt had hit an artistic wall. It’s much better on its second viewing and I find it hard to believe that there was initial negative reactions to the movie. I could get pelted with hate but I really feel this is Tarantino’s best movie to date…yes, better than “Pulp Fiction”.

Golden Globes Nominees 2010: The Aftermath

Since I just don’t feel like fulfilling my commitment to the people paying me this meager wage, how about I over-analyze and have knee jerk reactions to the Golden Globe nominees? Movies first, since the TV ones will no doubt piss me right off.

• How did “An Education” not make the Best Picture, Drama list? Carey Mulligan is up for Best Actress, but the movie was snubbed. One has to assume that “Avatar” or “Inglourious Basterds” stole its spot. That’s pretty messed up.
• There was no love for the Coens or “A Serious Man”. Michael Stuhlbarg was nominated for Best Actor, Comedy, but I’m guessing this means he will not get one of the five Best Actor spots by the Academy. Two words: rip-f’ing-off.
• I really like the Best Picture, Comedy/Musical nominees. It’s good to see “The Hangover” and “(500) Days Of Summer” get credit for being what they are, which are two of the best movies of 2009.
• What’s up with the Best Actress, Comedy arena? Julia Roberts? Meryl Streep? Here’s hoping Marion Cotillard wins just so we don’t have to endure a brutal acceptance speech from Roberts or Streep.
• I so don’t want anything from “Precious” to win. If that amazingly obnoxious, no-talent hack Mo’Nique wins, I may shut the telecast off. I don’t want to hear any attempts at humility from her after all the “what’s in it financially for me” talk recently.
• How awkward is it that Kathryn Bigelow and James Cameron are up for Best Director? Umm…they went through what would be called a bitter divorce.
• Finally…I liked “District 9″ and all…but it getting a Best Screenplay nomination over the Coens for “A Serious Man” is a crime.

Now, television…

• Where the f— is “Lost”? How can a show that is universally loved by critics be this consistently ignored at the Golden Globes? Sure, they tossed a nomination to Michael Emerson, but there is zero chance he wins this one since the Globes are essentially a popularity contest.
• “30 Rock is showered with praise as usual. I just don’t get it. I’m sure Baldwin will win over the more deserving Steve Carell.
• The entire list of Best Comedy shows sucks. No “Flight Of The Conchords”? That’s a crime.

Phew. That’s enough for now. I guess I’ll do some “work”.

Turns Out Today Is A Big Movie Geek Day

There weren’t any posts yesterday due to lack of inspiration. There’s a review of “The Slammin’ Salmon” coming but I haven’t finished it up just yet. Today should bring plenty of joy to movie geeks everywhere due to the Golden Globe nominations and the release of two huge summer movies.

• The Golden Globe nominations are first up this morning. My only hope is that the film “Precious” is ignored. No, I’m not going into my reasons why, other than the fact that I find the entire premise to be disgusting. I’m pulling for “(500) Days Of Summer” in a big way.
• Since Mrs. Cinematically Correct is out of town on business, I’ll be spending the evening watching the unrated Blu-Ray of “The Hangover”. Do we need an unrated version? I mean, wasn’t the theatric release hilariously obscene enough?
• The other Blu-Ray on the list for today is “Inglourious Basterds”, which I’m sure will be praised at the Golden Globes today.  I was fairly sick of Quentin Tarantino and his recent work but this movie really restored my faith in his greatness. It may be my favorite film of his to date.