Friday Quick Hits! Rogen Gets Serious, Louis CK Gets Hilarious/Vulgar, & The Muppets Take New Zealand

I finally checked out the Sam Rockwell-starring flick “Moon” last night and I have discovered a few things. First, Rockwell is greatness. If you ever needed proof that he can carry a movie, “Moon” is most definitely it. Second, after the movie ended, I looked up the director, Duncan Jones, on IMDB and discovered he is David Bowie’s son! This immediately made me sing the Flight Of The Conchords “Bowie”. Third, I am pretty much sold on the fact that I have to see everything Sam Rockwell does.

Oh yeah, the movie was pretty kickass too.

• If you pay to see “When In Rome” this weekend, you should be banished from movie going for the rest of your natural life. No link or anything here, just a message/opinion/threat.
• It’s going to be a busy weekend for me, but I’m still holding out hope that I get out to see “Edge of Darkness”. Yeah, I know Mel Gibson’s a whacko but so are 80% of the actors working today. They are all crazy. Now, what could keep me from seeing it is its mediocre 56% Rotten Tomatoes score.
• It seems almost like a match made in pop culture/movie geek heaven: James Bobin, director/co-creator of “Flight Of The Conchords”, is in line to direct the upcoming Muppet movie. Thrown in the fact that Jason Segel is writing and starring in it and you’ve got a volatile mix of nerdom.
• You know, I have never seen Sarah Polley’s directorial debut “Away From Her”. I really wanted to see it, but just never got around to it. Is it sad that because Seth Rogen is going to star in her follow-up “Take This Waltz”, it’s a virtual certainty that I’ll see it?
• Russell Crowe, Simon Beaufoy (writer of “Slumdog Millionaire”), and Maria Bello are hooking up for an HBO show called “Emergency Sex”. The title may sound racy, but it’s definitely not. It’s about a UN peacekeeping mission during the 1990s…in Cambodia. Sounds hot. Crowe and Beaufoy are producing, while Bello will star and just be smoking hot overall in it.
• Finally…Louis CK tells the Most Offensive Joke In The World.

It Cannot Be Held Back…Let My “Lost” Obsession Begin

Anyone have $4,815,162,342 I can borrow?

I’ve tried. I really tried to hold back and not write anything about the upcoming final season of “Lost” until the show started up next week. There have been so many cool stories, interviews, and rumors out there that I wanted to write about, but I didn’t want to turn Cinematically Correct into a “Lost” worship site. Besides, I don’t do half as good a job on that as other sites like Get Lost With Jopinionated, Long Live Locke, and especially the Mecca of “Lost” websites, DarkUFO.

However, a friend of mine yesterday informed me about something pretty slick happening on Kayak.com. If you search for a one-way, non-stop flight on September 22, 2010 from Sydney to Los Angeles, one of the results is Oceanic Flight 815. It’s nothing more than a cool little trick that links to really nothing. Check out that price though. Steep.

Quick Hits! Gordon Gekko Rules, TBS Is Insane, & ABC Is Not

After sitting through the overlong, overapplauded, brutal, boring beating of the State of the Union address, it’s tough to really get going this morning. Even the most steadfast Obama person has to be groggy after that 70-minute scolding.

• You know who is to blame for all the economic problems in this country? Gordon Gekko and his shady deal involving Blue Star, that’s who. Luckily, he’s been imprisoned for quite sometime but according to this trailer for “Wall Street 2″, he’s getting out. Hey, at least we’ll all make bank like we did in the 80s right?
• It looks like the economic downtown that Barry talked about last night has hit ABC hard. It’s been so tough that they finally wised up and s***canned the unbearable “Ugly Betty”. I’ll be honest…didn’t know it was still on the air.
• Here is something that every Democrat and Republican can agree is terrible for our country: TBS has picked up an animated version of David Spade’s Joe Dirt character. If Obama really cared, he would save us from this terrible crisis.
• Do you think that the President wishes he could back in time and change some of the events during the past year? Wouldn’t it be cool if there really was a hot tub that turned into a time machine? For now, we’ll just have to settle for this brilliant poster for “Hot Tub Time Machine”.
• YOU LIE!! No, no…really, that kid from “About A Boy” is going to be in the new Mad Max movie. This sequel, titled “Fury Road”, stars Tom Hardy as Max and Charlize Theron as Tina Turner. I could be wrong about that last detail.
• The massive right wing bastion Fox has given the greenlight to Ron Howard’s comedy about an IRS office. Here’s hoping the show is as good as his last one, “Arrested Development”, which was cancelled way too soon. Wait…word just in…Fox has cancelled the Ron Howard IRS office comedy.
• Yeah, I gave up on the political stuff in that last item. In fact, I’ve given up entirely. Here’s an article about “Lost”. Now go get your shinebox.

The One Where Apple Is Awesome & Taken Over My Life Or I Love You Steve Jobs

My Apple/Baseball-loving pants can in no way handle this.

Just a few short hours ago, Steve J0bs and Apple unveiled the device that I inevitably will spend at least one or more paychecks on. It is officially called the iPad and, after my initial review of what Apple showed us so far today, I can tell you that it is going to blow your mind so hard that the person sitting and/or standing next to you will also have their mind blown out. If you want a big time, in-depth first look at this amazing piece of technogeeketry, check out Gizmodo.

First and foremost, the price is amazing. There are going to be two different iPads, one set up for WiFi and the other WiFi+3G. The most expensive version is the 64GB WiFi+3G version…at $829. Frankly, that is fairly mindblowing considering the most expensive iPhone will run you $699.

My initial analysis? If you have an iPhone, why get the WiFi+3G version? Are you going to lug the iPad around with you? It’s easily movable, weighing in at 1.5 pounds, but do you want to take it all over the place? I would use it at home or while traveling to read newspapers, books, magazines or watch movies, maybe play games, that’s it. I wouldn’t take it to work everyday, as I do my iPhone. I’m looking strictly at the WiFi iPad…for now.

Of course, my wife has already told me that we don’t need any more gadgets so this is all just an exercise…until I convince her that we do need another gadget!

Louis CK Greatness, No Hobbits Until 2012, & George Lucas Is Out To Kill Another Film Genre

Sooo…anything good on TV tonight?

The funniest man alive.

• Louis CK, who in my opinion is the funniest comedian alive today, has a concert film at Sundance right now that Quint from Ain’t It Cool loves. Louis was damn funny in “The Invention Of Lying” and FX picked up a new show that he created and will star in. As long as this newfound stardom doesn’t make him stop being amazingly politically incorrect, I’m okay with it.
• Hundreds of parent’s basements are filled with tears today as Sir Peter Jackson announced that “The Hobbit” will not see theaters until at least 2012. Sure, “The Hobbit” will return Ian McKellan and Andy Serkis to their roles from the “Rings” flicks but who is going to play that big evil dragon that Bilbo fights? How about Kim Cattrall in the interest of saving money on makeup and effects?
• Here’s an article all about the death of all things indie. I would read it but reading is so mainstream that I refuse. Hold on for a second, I need to adjust my pork-pie hat.
• In an effort to further the very definition of the word “suck”, George Lucas is going to make a CGI musical. Please…just stop.
• Greg Oden admitted that the nude pictures that got out are for real. I don’t see the big deal, it’s just his pet boa constrictor. All kidding aside, a 48-year old man taking pictures of his junk is just wrong.
• Sam Jackson talked to MTV about whether or not he will play Nick Fury in “Thor” or the other Marvel flicks. He didn’t know if he was going to be in it or not but he did show off his sweet wallet.

Quick Hits! “Star Trek” Non-News, A New Prince Of Darkness, & Idi Amin Takes On CBS

It’s occurred to me that a) this whole quick hit nonsense I’ve been doing is a way to post things without any real writing commitment b) it’s just ripping the idea off of several blogs and/or c) my comical observations aren’t comical. Regardless…

• Has an actor or actress been handed major movie megastardom more than Sam Worthington? He was cast in “Avatar” many years ago and since then, he is rumored to be in everything. This time around, he’s rumored to be cast as Dracula in director Alex Proyas’ “Dracula: Year One”. Thank goodness there’s going to be some more vampire stuff for everyone, it’s been a real creative drought for those fictional bloodsuckers. Please note the sarcasm…which is also completely unoriginal in itself.
• Screenwriters Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci recently told a bunch of Trekkies that they are going to focus on the villain a bit more in the next “Star Trek” flick. By villain, the Trekkies assume they mean every single female that they asked out and turned them down in their entire lives. Of course, that’s all of them. See what I did there? I mocked Trekkies lack of success with the opposite sex…originality folks, that’s where it’s at.
• It sure sounds like the movies at Sundance are a depressing, violent lot of films about some deranged characters or as I like to call it: My Wheelhouse.
• Forest Whitaker what the hell man? You won an Oscar and you are not only going to star in a CBS show but a f***ing spin-off of “Criminal Minds”? Look, you were badass on “The Shield” but how can you agree to this nonsense? It better be straight cash homie.
• Here’s an Academy Award prediction that includes “The Hangover” in its Best Picture race. Of course, it’s from a Fox News outlet so I’m sure that means it’s filled with right-wing lies and propaganda. Fascists.
• Finally…Josh Brolin can’t believe two things in this shot: he’s in a movie with petiole oiled, greaseball, no-talent Shia LeBouf and that Michael Douglas gets to have sex (or what he calls sex) with Catherine Zeta Jones.
  

  "No kid, he's not a talking robot that turns into a Camaro."

Quick Hits! Bowie’s iPod, Bombs Beat Blue Aliens, & Naked Vampires

If you are as bored as I am, wasting valuable moments of life on things you despise, take a respite and check out these links. Of course, you are probably wasting valuable moments of life on these links as well…

Greatest tambourine player of all time.

• My favorite band that uses an ampersand in their name, She & Him, has a new album out on March 23rd. Of course, this is the super-duo of singer/songwriter M. Ward and actress/singer/ubercutie Zooey Deschanel. You can check out their latest song, “In The Sun”, on Pitchfork. Look, I’m smitten, can’t be helped.

• The Producers Guild Of America outsmarted the Golden Globes and Screen Actors Guild awards and gave Best Picture to the brilliant “The Hurt Locker”. I guess they felt that the real life depiction of  American soldiers at war was more worthy of praise than the movie about blue cat-looking people.
• If there is more nudity on “True Blood”, does that mean that more time will be spent declothed than clothed? To be perfectly honest, all I know about this show is that it is about vampires that can’t keep their privates in check. No, I won’t even watch it to see Anna Paquin all naked. Dude, that’s the little girl from “The Piano”…no chance.
• I got through about 40 of these “Lost” questions and quit. If you aren’t going to take “Lost” seriously, then get off the Internet.
• Can anyone other than David Bowie describe the music on David Bowie’s iPod? I mean, who doesn’t love Chinese folk music?
• Stop messing around Fox and go get Conan!
• If you are bored at work and your boss keeps walking by your office enough to keep you from Bejeweled on Facebook (not that I speak from experience), you could check out Akinator. The site claims to be able to guess any character you think of in a 20 questions-type way. Of course, it missed Lloyd Dobler right off the bat so how reliable can it really be?

Friday Quick Hits!! “Lost” In Real Time, See Who Plays Conan, & Sean Salisbury’s Dong

It’s Friday everyone! To celebrate, I decided to not hit the kid that ran in front of my car this morning! Yay for big city school bus stops and responsible parenting!

• Look, I’m already working around the clock to tell you that “Extraordinary Measures”, “The Tooth Fairy”, and “Legion” all completely suck.
• Just like when asked if you are a god, when Steven Spielberg calls and wants to put a mini-series on your cable station, you say yes. It looks like TNT didn’t go the route of Venkman and is going to air Spielberg’s alien invasion series, even though it will star Noah Wylie. If you didn’t know it, Wylie is The Librarian…which, like Alan, is literally too stupid to insult. The series will also star Moon Bloodgood as a child therapist. If I had to go see a therapist like her when I was twelve, there is no way my pants could have handled it. Actually, I couldn’t handle it now.
• It looks like the rumors were true: Sean Salisbury took a cell phone picture of his wanger and sent it to an ESPN female colleague. His wheels have been flying off ever since and…oh, who cares? This would be relevant if Salisbury wasn’t a loudmouth, blowhard moron. Throw pervert in there too.
• Hollywood sure works fast! They have already cast an actor to play Conan! His name is Jason Momoa and…wait a sec…he doesn’t look anything like Coco!
• In real Conan O’Brien news, it looks like there haven’t been any official deals offered to him as of yet. After reading that story, my hopey hope changey change dream is that Conan goes to FX. It’s a perfect combo of Conan’s edge and FX’s willingness to let their programs do pretty much whatever they want.
• …speaking of Conan and edge…this is probably the last time we’ll ever see The Masturbating Bear. F-YOU INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY AND F-YOU NBC.

• I watched this cool “Lost” video on Jopionated‘s Facebook page first. It’s the Oceanic 815 crash in real-time. If you are a “Lost” geek like me, you’ll love it. It’s not as funny as a guy masturbating in a bear suit, but hey, what is?
• Finally, here’s the trailer for “Cyrus”. It appears to be a bit of a dark comedy with John C. Reilly, Marissa Tomei, Katherine Keener, and Jonah Hill…as Tomei’s grown son.

Quick Hits!! MMA Talks Health Care, More Unnecessary Apple Products, & People Really Do Love Vampires

Ugh.

Before I get started on a few quick hits, take a look at this poster for the Kevin Smith-directed “Cop Out”. Okay, the title is slightly funny, only because the studio forced them to change the movie’s title which was formerly “A Couple Of Dicks“. Cute. However, the intial trailer is so amazingly brutal that there cannot be a possibility of this movie being remotely amusing. Thrown in this ridiculous poster and you have a guaranteed stinker on your hands. Sigh. Remember when Kevin Smith was thought to be the next great comedic director?

• So when is Ryan Reynolds going to be a big star? I guess “The Proposal” made a ton of cash, but that’s due to the strange mainstream public attraction to the mostly awful Sandra Bullock. I doubt people ran off to see that movie due to Reynolds. If they see “Buried”, he will definitely be the only reason as he is the only person in it. Here’s the first trailer.
• It seems like former professional wrestler/NFL hopeful/current MMA fighter/all-around scary dude Brock Lesnar isn’t a fan of total healthcare reform. After going to a Canadian hospital and realizing they weren’t going to be able to help him, he and his former-Playboy model wife high-tailed it from Canada to North Dakota, which is the bastion of United States healthcare.
• Dave keeps bashing Leno, Leno bashes Dave…enough already. This whole thing is getting pretty stale…but yet I proliferate it by posting it. Odd.

I'm sure in six months I'll think I must own this.

• So here’s the latest & greatest invention from Apple. Maybe. I don’t really know if this is exactly what their new iTablet will look like since nobody really does, other than mad genius Steve Jobs. They are debuting the thing next week and, according to the Wall Street Journal, it’s going to melt our faces off. Just like AppleTV…or not.
• Everyone loves vampires these days. From “True Blood” to “Twilight” to Nancy Pelosi, there is a serious vampire craze. It extended to the Billboard charts as indie pop band Vampire Weekend debuted at the number one spot with their second album “Contra”. Of course, the band has nothing to do with either vampires or the weekend.
• Finally…here’s the PG-trailer for “MacGruber”. Equally as funny as the R-Rated one.

Quick Hits! Letterman Going Too Far, Spidey Gets “Webb’ed”, & Harrison Ford Lets You Know How Much He’s Working

It’s getting kind of fun to search the Internet for little bits of pop culture news. Not only that, it’s a great timewaste while at work.

• Since Sony couldn’t get along with Sam Raimi (it doesn’t help that “Spider Man 3″ is God awful), they have decided to relaunch the franchise with a new director and cast. Sony has officially hired “(500) Days Of Summer” director Mark Webb to work on the movie. There’s no word if this Spidey will have another dance number, presumably to a Hall & Oates tune.
• A blog that I’m not familiar with but should be, Den Of Geek, has a great post about some movies that aren’t big releases for 2010 but should have your attention nonetheless. I’m most excited for “The Way Back” due to its director (the genius Peter Weir) and star, Colin Ferrell (who has hair I will be eternally jealous of).
• It looks like the gossip trash site Radar Online has the first shots of Tiger Woods at his sex camp. That’s what it is right, sex camp? I’m not so sure of the validity of these shots as they look like they were taken by the same guy who got those alleged pictures of Bigfoot.
• The final guests on “The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” are going to be Tom Hanks and Will Ferrell. Hanks won’t get crazy, but I can imagine that Conan and Will Ferrell will completely lay waste to NBC.
• Also related…Letterman needs to back off a bit, don’t you think? The fact that Letterman was taking so much joy in the NBC debacle was funny at first, now it’s just petty.
• And finally…did you know that Harrison Ford already works around the clock?