Quick Hits!! Damon Goes Against Type, Kevin Smith Bottoms Out, & Why Are Most Hobbits English?

Hm, I can’t seem to find much random stuff this morning for me to blather on about. I will say that I am in love with the Local Natives album “Gorilla Manor”. They are easily my new favorite band of all time that I’ll listen to this week and obsess over for a month or so.

• Wow, these early “Cop Out” reviews sure sound like the movie is a major, major stinker. Is it time for the world to realize that Kevin Smith may be a…deep breath…bit of a hack? Trust me, those who know me will realize the paradigm shift in thinking this represents for me. Look…he hasn’t made anything really worth seeing since “Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back” and even that flick is more amusing due to the inside jokes than anything else.
• Tracy Morgan isn’t funny.
• Is Matthew Goode the next Bilbo Baggins? I would be okay with that choice. He’s a good actor (see “The Lookout”, “Match Point”) and has earned a shot at the big time. I haven’t seen “A Single Man” but I’ve read enough to know he’s good in it as well.
• In a move that goes against all convention, Matt Damon will play Robert Kennedy in a new biopic. No doubt that Damon will have to leave his militant right-wing beliefs in his trailer as he steps into this role. It’s going to be tough for him to play such a famous Massachusetts liberal like RFK.
• The Coen Brothers have rounded out the cast for their remake of “True Grit” by hiring the unknown Hailee Steinfeld. So far, they have aforementioned Matty Damon, Josh Brolin, and the genius of Jeff Bridges stepping into the famed John Wayne role. Seriously…just give Bridges Best Actor for this already. I don’t even have to see it. This movie is definitely The Greatest Movie of All Time That No One Has Seen.

Damn You “Lost”!!

How can I be expected to wait another week for “Lost”? It’s just more and more intriguing each week. I’m sure I’ll write much more later, but since the wife is now watching figure skating, I’ll throw a few initial thoughts up.

• I get the lighthouse thing. Jacob watched everyone there, got it. This sure doesn’t make the case for Jacob as being the good guy, but I’m still certain he is.
• So who was on 108 on the dial? I’ll tell you who: Desmond, that’s who. He is the key to the whole thing. Remember, he’s the only person to actually change things in the past.
• Now that was a new past I can get behind. It was the kind of story that made me love “Lost” in the first place.
• Hurley is right about the skeletons in the cave. I get the feeling they know those two people.
• Claire’s wheels are totally off. Little does she know that her dad & Flocke/her friend are one & the same.
• Kate really is the most boring Lostie going isn’t she?

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Put “The Scofflaw” In The Top Ten “Seinfeld” Shows Ever

After watching “The Scofflaw”, I believe that it has all the elements of being on the list of Greatest “Seinfeld” Episodes Of All Times. You’ve got Kramer in the eyepatch, George in the toupee, Elaine and the glasses, and finally, Neuman as The White Whale. The Scofflaw.

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Quick Hits Fool!! Podcast Fever, Leon Gets A New Gig, & “Archer” Will Be Back In The Danger Zone

It felt like we were oh so close to the end for Dana Walsh on “24″ last night. Man, I wanted her white trash ex-boyfriend to hit her with his hippie van. I would have been fine with a wild cougar suddenly running out of the woods and mauling her, even though that would be completely preposterous. Instead, we get at least one more week of her whiny, suddenly southern accented idiocy destroying one of my favorite shows.

• In the world of other awesome spy show news, FX has renewed “Archer” for a second season. I cannot express how happy this makes me since I was uncertain that anyone was watching it. Danger zone.
• I was going to click through this list of the 50 Best Working Directors, but once I noticed that David Lynch was #48, I quit. Any list that puts the genius of Lynch that low is obviously fraudulent and completely wheels off batsh** insane.
• Add Ian McShane to the Guaranteed To Suck-fest that is the next “Pirates of the Caribbean” flick. I would say more about this but it’s too depressing to think about. Johnny…let it go.
• Since I checked out The Ricky Gervais Show on HBO, it’s led me to the world of podcasts. I never got into this because I assumed that listening to people talk about nothing would be quite boring. After listening to all of the Gervais podcasts, I can safely say that I was dead wrong. This stuff is hilarious. I officially have podcast fever.
• Hmm, this new Farrelly Brothers movie sure sounds interesting. It already had cast Owen Wilson, Jason Sudeikis, and Jenna Fischer. Today, they have added the genius of Stephen Merchant and Leon himself, JB Smoove. I’m of the opinion that Leon from “Curb” should have his own show, he’s that brilliant.
• Here’s some more movie news. This time, it involves Vince Vaughn and Kevin James getting together for a comedy. I know, it already sounds terrible. These two have made some seriously bad decisions lately. I mean…”Paul Blart”? “Couples Retreat”? Yuck. There is some light at the end of the tunnel for this movie as it is being directed by Ron Howard, who will not stoop to lowbrow, idiot humor.
• Finally…CBS is giving another show to Jim Belushi. Some would say there are so many questions regarding this but there is really only one: Why?

Jack Bauer Needs To Whack Dana Walsh ASAP

Before “24″ gets going tonight, let me just say that if Dana Walsh isn’t removed from the show as soon as possible, the show is dangerously teetering on crap. Everything else, especially the story around Jack and President Assan, is great. Dana Walsh is the worst thing to happen to “24″…ever.

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“Shutter Island” Is Completely Without Shudders Of Any Kind

Much more than someone is missing from "Shutter Island"...

After reading several reviews of “Shutter Island”, I’m left wondering how many of these critics are in the tank for Martin Scorsese. Not every critic loves the movie, but there are enough that truly like it for me to question their sanity. Having seen every movie that Scorsese has directed at least once, I can safely say that they only thing worse he has created is “Kundun”.

Simply put, “Shutter Island” bored me senseless. It is almost two and half hours of attempted scares, thrills, and creep outs. Not one of them really had me freaked out in the least. Actually, the scariest moment in the movie is on the poster to the right here and it involves a pack of matches. Yes, the act of lighting a match is the scariest thing in “Shutter Island”.

The saddest thing about this is that it’s obvious that Leonardo DiCaprio is trying really, really hard to make this movie work. It’s not really any fault of his that the credit card thin plot is dependent on the “shocker” ending that you can see coming after about the thirty minute mark. So go ahead and accuse me of being in the tank for DiCaprio because he is as good here as the plot is bad.

DiCaprio plays Teddy Daniels, a US Marshall sent to investigate a patient disappearance at the prison for the mentally insane on Shutter Island. His brand new partner, Chuck (a totally wasted Mark Ruffalo), is along for the ride and calls Teddy “boss”, even though Ruffalo has almost ten years on DiCaprio. Call me picky, but I simply couldn’t get past that fact.

Scorsese tries to liven the movie up and throws in several flashbacks to World War II for Teddy, which aren’t enlightening at all. In fact, I still don’t see the point of them. The flashbacks feel like Scorsese trying to impersonate David Lynch, which is a bad idea. As great as Scorsese is, nobody does surrealism like Lynch.

There are several notable actors in the movie, all playing cliched horror/suspense roles. You’ve got Ben Kingsley as the “not sure if he’s on the up and up” doctor, Max Von Sydow as the heavy accented, no doubt evil doctor in the white lab coat, Michelle Williams as the dead wife that says disturbing things in Teddy’s dreams, even the genius of Ted Levine is wasted as the ominous warden. Is this more the fault of the screenwriter’s adaptation of Dennis Lehane’s novel or Scorsese’s? It’s probably a bit of both.

There is one aspect of “Shutter Island” that I found more distracting above all else: the musical score. Within the first twenty minutes, your ears are hammered with bombastic piano chords, strings, and percussion. It’s as if the images of the creepy, gray prison island weren’t enough that they need to hammer home the scary images you are seeing with a “DUM DUM DUM!“-ish accompaniment. There is a moment when the gates to the prison are opening so slowly, with such dramatic sounding music, that my nerves were frayed due to annoyance, not dramatic tension.

There are some moments that generate some legitimate creeps. Not surprisingly, the best scene of the film involves DiCaprio, the aforementioned book of matches, and Jackie Earle Haley, who steals the movie in all of ten minutes worth of screen time. Even though it pretty much gives away the surprise ending of the movie, the scene with Patricia Clarkson and DiCaprio is also quite good.

The Keanu

There is a chance this movie is not as bad as I am making it sound. You can factor in my severe disappointment in a movie that I so badly wanted to see and from which I expected greatness. Since I consider myself somewhat of an amateur movie scholar, I didn’t find it enjoyable to watch an iconic, original filmmaker like Scorsese imitate Stanley Kubrick or Alfred Hitchcock. Maybe I’ll like it more the second time around? Although…I felt as if I had seen this movie a hundred times prior to the first viewing so I don’t see how that could change with another go round.

It’s a sad, sad day when a Scorsese/DiCaprio flick gets The Keanu.

The Disappointment That Is “Shutter Island”

It’s going to be tough to write a review of “Shutter Island”. I was really looking forward to seeing it, even with all the bad mojo surrounding it. I refused to believe that Marty and Leo could fail…I was wrong. 100% failure. I’ll write a full review soon, but it’s not gonna be pretty.

Can’t People Just Be Crazy?

If you scroll through enough entries on Cinematically Correct, you’ll probably figure out where most of my political beliefs lie. However, unlike the majority of our government in Washington D.C., I do believe in the word “compromise”. If you sat me down in a room with someone from the opposite political world as me and said, “Look, you need to get things worked out so go do it”, I can promise you that I would not be the person that gives up.

Today, a lunatic landed a plane in an office building in Austin, TX. I have spent some time reading blogs and opinion-makers from the left and right attempt to label this scumbag, attempted murderer as a far-right “teabagger” or the second coming of Che Guevara. I read his unimpressive, whiny, weak-willed manifesto and anyone claiming this guy had a defined agenda is a political weasel and needs to be completely ignored. I don’t care if it’s Glenn Beck or Keith Olbermann. You are despicable for even trying to attempt it.

I don’t expect us to all to always agree, but I have a simple equation that I hold dear.

Too far right = Fascism. Too far left = Communism. Neither work.

Let’s all try and get back to the in-between okay?

“Lost” Thoughts!! Jacob Picked Cinematically Correct As Number 00!!

Hey, everybody that thought “Lost” was a rudderless ship, just steering along with no real plan or endgame in sight…f*** you. Oh, I’m just kidding. I don’t really want to curse your name or anything like that. I just want to give you the biggest “faced” in history.

Hey, all of you “Lost” day one fans…how freaking kickass is all of this? After all this time, energy, thought, devotion, it’s really all coming together in a way that seems to make sense. That final cave scene with Flocke and Sawyer was such greatness it makes me wonder if  it even mattered what happened in the first 45 minutes of “The Substitute”? Well…yes, I think it did…so do you, keep reading…

Cinematically Correct Lives!! Pine As The Cap’n? Conan’s Unemployment Beard! Betty White Models Lingerie!

There hasn’t been anything posted here since last Thursday! This means that Cinematically Correct was wasting even more Internet space than the standard amount it wastes. It’s kind of like if John Mayer stopped performing. Why the Mayer shot? Well, I would have taken plenty last week but I was busy dealing with snow in Texas and a locked iPhone…dark, dark days indeed.

• There is a correction for the headline here. Betty White is not modeling lingerie. Instead, there is some wheels off movement to get her as a Saturday Night Live host this year. Why the hell not? She’s total greatness and there’s a guarantee the ratings for that episode would be massive. Besides, she’ll say just about anything for a laugh.
• Ah, it’s Christina Hendricks that is modeling lingerie. Again, I’m not a meathead guy…but holy s*** dude. This just can’t be legal right? I’m going on record saying that Hendricks is the Most Gorgeous Chick Of All Time That You Will Look At This Afternoon Today.
• Anybody excited about the Bonarroo lineup? It’s pretty kickass. It’s even more awesomer (bad phrasing?) knowing that The Flaming Lips are performing “Dark Side Of The Moon” in its entirety, just like they did in Oklahoma City on New Year’s Eve. Now, Wayne Coyne’s house? It’s even more awesomer…est?
• Last year, while I was unemployed, it was difficult to get motivated because unlike Conan O’Brien, my douchebag former employer didn’t give me $35 million bucks to go away. So I sat around, ate ice cream, played X-Box, watched The Price Is Right, you know…deadbeat things that stoners do. Conan O’Brien takes his kids to Hawaii. Have we all stopped feeling completely sorry for Conan? Good.
• Make no mistake about the previous bullet point…Jay Leno and NBC can still go straight to hell. Love you Coco.
• Awhile back, Mrs. Cinematically Correct went on and on about Aaron Eckhart and how fabulous he is and how she wants to be his girlfriend…blah blah blah. She wants him to Captain America. Well, she won’t get to see Eckhart in blue tights just yet as the latest rumor du jour (that’s French for “soup of the day”) is Chris Pine is going to put on those particular super-hero stretchy pants. Pine released a statement saying that he “will only play fictional Captains from this point forth“. He didn’t say that.
• Finally…there is some strange animated page on the Flynn Lives website right now. Flynn, of course, is the main character from “Tron” and is played by Jeff Bridges, who is pretty much the best at everything. The online geek community (not me of course) seems to think that this is some kind of counter or countdown clock. Counting down to what? The time when Tron junkies finally move out of their parent’s basement? Perhaps the first time they accidentally kiss a girl? More? No? Okay. Bye.