Here Are The Summer Movies I Think You Should See & The Ones You Shouldn’t See. Follow Accordingly.

The blockbuster summer movie season is upon us. This means several straight weekends in the theater watching things blow up, hear dudes say hilariously stupid things, see chicks wear skin tight spandex, and Robert Downey Jr.

Here Are The Right Movies To See This Summer

• “Predators”. Normally, I wouldn’t be intrigued by this at all. But Adrien Brody, Topher Grace, and a script by Robert Rodriguez have me into it.
• “Toy Story 3″. Sit back and tell me: When was the last time Pixar did you wrong? The answer is never pal. Never.
• “Knight & Day”. Yes, you all hate Tom Cruise. Yes, Cameron Diaz sucks. However, in the trailer, Cruise says, “Anybody follows us, I shoot myself then her.” That’s funny.
• “Get Him To The Greek”. There are a lot of people turned off by Russell Brand. I’m willing to give him a shot, but I think he may annoy me as well.
• “The Other Guys”. While I’m a bit on the fence with Will Ferrell these days, this looks very “Anchorman”-ish to me. The Michael Keaton factor makes it a must see for me.
• “The Expendables”. Sly Stallone is going to go Cobra on your ass and you are going to freaking love it.
• “Dinner For Schmucks”. Look, there is no possible way that Steve Carell and Paul Rudd will fail. This movie is going to blow your comedic brains all over your comedic face and there won’t be a thing that your comedic ass can do about it.
• “Iron Man 2″. Robert Downey Jr. Just look him up on this blog and you’ll understand.
• “Inception”. This Christopher Nolan-directed, Leo DiCaprio-starring sci-fi flick is the only thing that can top Downey Jr. on my Anticipation Meter.

Here Are The Movies That Are Wrong, So Very, Very Wrong

• “Sex & The City 2″. The plot’s a big secret but I bet it involves materialistic women being incredibly superficial. I could be wrong though.
• “Shrek Forever After”. Please, just make it stop.
• “Killers”. Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl? The annoyance factor is off the charts. I’m sad to report that Tom Selleck is in this. No word on how his mustache feels about it, but I’m sure he hates Hiegl too.
• “The A-Team”. I was all about this movie…then I saw the first trailer with the parachuting tank. From that point on, the thought of it triggers my gag reflex.
• “Grown Ups”. Please somebody tell Adam Sandler how freaking great he was in “Punch Drunk Love” and “Reign Over Me”. Maybe it will make him stop this insanity…or this will make 150 million bucks and it will never stop.
• “The Twilight Saga”. I know plenty of you dig this series but I have an odd reason not to like it. I’m just sick of vampires.
• “Little Fockers”. This will ensure that all the goodwill Ben Stiller built up with me for “Greenberg” will be completely and totally erased.

Two Movie Rumors That Hold The Fate Of Society In Their Hands

"I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes - my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater."

Here’s an idea: How about a non-laugh track, single camera style sitcom starring Brian Fantana? Sure, Paul Rudd is a big movie star now and going to TV is out of the question for him…but wouldn’t it be great to see him play Fantana on a weekly basis? He’s easily my Favorite Character To Ever Name His Junk in a movie of all time. If that isn’t rarefied air, I don’t know what is.

Why all the Fantana talk? Well it appears that Steve Carell and Paul Rudd have agreed to take big pay cuts and appear in the potential sequel to “Anchorman”. This is all coming from an Empire piece with director/writer Adam McKay. McKay says that the studio (Dreamworks presumably?) is having some trouble going forward with this due to the fact that the first movie didn’t make that much cash in theaters. I think that is hogwash because the movie caught fire in its DVD release and there is no doubt this would be successful. I’m thinking they are hesitating since the last few Will Ferrell flicks haven’t done so hot box office-wise, with the huge flop “Land Of The Lost” leading the way.

The other rumor is starting to sound more and more like fact. Scott Cooper, director of “Crazy Heart”, is going to direct a Western about the Hatfields and McCoys. The script was written by Eli Roth and it sounds like Robert Duvall is definitely on board. Is that not awesome enough? Duvall is trying to lure Brad Pitt in as well. Will Pitt hesitate to do this after his last Western (the brilliant, completely overlooked “The Assassination Of Jesse James”) failed commercially, most due to being completely abandoned by Warner Brothers…who are also producing this film?

First Randy Quaid Gets Imprisoned, Now Early Reviews Of “Iron Man 2″ Suck? What Next?

"I piss excellence."

Judging from the early reviews, it looks like it will be geeks vs. critics (one could say it’s geeks vs. geeks, ha…ahem) when it comes down to decided whether “Iron Man 2″ sucks or not. It’s going to have to really, really hug nuts for me to say it’s no good. See, I’m completely in the tank for Robert Downey Jr. He is dangerously close to taking over the prized position of Cinematically Correct Life Coach from one Mr. Larry David. Well, minus the crack cocaine use and all…

So far, the Hollywood Reporter’s Kirk Honeycutt has trashed it and Variety’s Brian Lowry took 500 words to say “meh”. Whatever. Look at that son of a bitch right here. Is it possible for anything with a human being this awesome to suck? I mean, remember “The Pick Up Artist”? “The Singing Detective”? “In Dreams”? “Only You”? “Air America”?

Bad examples?

It Goes Against All I Stand For But “Greenberg” Has Given Cinematically Correct A Case Of “The Garden State Syndrome”

It's hard not to love a movie...that feels like you are watching you.

One of my biggest pet peeves is something I call the “Garden State Syndrome”. When that movie came out, every 25-year old thought it was about them. They were at that point of life and it just seemed to click with them. Even though I was right around that age when that movie came out, it didn’t click with me. “Greenberg” clicked with me.

If you have seen any of Noah Baumbach’s other flicks, you would know going into “Greenberg” that you are going to be dealing with some jacked up characters. Baumbach is a personal favorite of mine because he manages to write intensely neurotic and sometimes cruel people with such great endearment that you end up liking them. See, in a very, very sad way…this gives me hope.

Ben Stiller is Roger Greenberg, a failed New York musician visiting his brother (the so underused Chris Messina) in Los Angeles after a stint in a mental institution. You won’t find out why Roger was in the institution, but it really doesn’t matter. From the instant he is on-screen, his social awkwardness is quite apparent. Instead of going outside to ask the strange people what they are doing at his brother’s pool, he instead calls the family’s personal assistant Florence (Greta Gerwig) and asks who they are. This is a seriously stilted guy we’re dealing with here.

Roger eventually connects with his former bandmate Ivan (Rhys Ifans). Ifans doesn’t have too much trouble playing the clever English aged rocker as his appearance alone screams of it. Roger spends most of his time with Ivan complaining about them not doing anything, but once Ivan drives them to a party and Roger sees all the people, he tells him to forget about it. Swoon…I love this person.

We learn a lot about Greenberg during his time with Ivan, but he really opens up while around Florence. Of course, by opens up I mean that he is actually willing to talk to a stranger. Florence is a mid-20s recent college graduate who, like many people that age, is a bit confused with what to do with her life. She doesn’t have big emotional freak outs or sudden moments of clarity amid chaos. Florence, like most people, is level headed and keeps plowing away despite her troubles. I loved her character almost as much as I love Greenberg, which I can promise you means a lot. I hadn’t heard of Greta Gerwig until this movie but I will definitely keep an eye open for her in the future. She was quite fantastic.

Gerwig is great, but this movie is Baumbach’s and Stiller’s and they both own it. It’s not a big leap to say that this is the best film that Baumbach has made and it is easily the performance of Stiller’s career. Even though he looked very, very gaunt, Stiller keeps a look on his face that made me feel like it was okay for him to treat people so brutally because he didn’t seem to find any fault in it. Greenberg just couldn’t function as a human unless he thought everything was beneath him, but it seemed like that was just the way it needed to be.

So, why do I love the bitter, angry, cruel, neurotic Greenberg? While I am by no means close to needing an insane asylum and this goes against everything I normally stand for while writing this stuff…but I have heard myself say the types of things that Greenberg says. So let me be clear, I’m not doing that “that character is me” bit, I’m only saying that I have been known to say some fairly brutal things to people, either on purpose or without even realizing I said it.

Hold on a sec, did I mention this was a comedy? Trust me, it is. It’s just not going to hit you over the head with a sledgehammer. It’s subtle, quiet, and once you get past the bitterness of it all, it’s really quite sweet. There hasn’t been much to write home about in 2010 so far, but “Greenberg” is easily the best 2010 has to offer so far.

After A Dose Of Penicillin, Cinematically Correct Has Overcome Writer’s Block & Written About “The Last Recruit”

Miss the real Locke? Jack should have enough Island obsession to fill that void for ya.

There has been some writers block of the highest order at Cinematically Correct. I’ve got a few movies to write about, some TV shows, and more importantly, I haven’t come up with anything on “The Last Recruit”. At this point, I have internally debated even writing one up at all. As a geek that prides himself on his “Lost” knowledge, this episode had me floored while watching it and intimidated while thinking about writing about it.

So what’s the big deal? Oh, not much. Just explosions, Desmond in a well, Desmond at a law office, Jack meeting his half-sister Claire on the Island and in the New Past, Sun and Locke at the hospital, Sun and Jin finally hugging, Ilana looking hot, Sawyer arresting Sayid, Sayid looking scary and sad, Sawyer arresting Sayid…get the picture here? As Crash Davis once said, “We are dealing with a lot of s***.”

Hire The Engraving Guy Now & Put The Name “Robert Duvall” On The Best Actor Oscar

Here’s the first trailer for “Get Low”, which is now my all time favorite movie that I haven’t seen yet but plan on seeing this summer. Let’s ring a bell for every level of greatness here…we’ve got Robert Duvall (ding!)  as an aged recluse who wants to have a funeral party for himself (ding!) while he’s still alive (ding!) and Bill Murray (ding!) as the funeral director that agrees to plan it (ding!). Honestly, what else needs to be said? Throw in the genius of Sissy Spacek and I’m hoping this movie makes more cash than “Avatar”. That doesn’t say much as I hope any movie makes more money than “Avatar”.

A Guy In An Indian Headress Helps The Flaming Lips On Jimmy Fallon

You have to give it to Jimmy Fallon’s booking department. They go out and get some of the best indie bands going today. Not many shows would stick The National on there and have them play the first song of an album that hasn’t even been released yet.

Here’s another winner from Fallon’s show. You get The Flaming Lips on and they do a killer version of Pink Floyd’s “Breathe”. This is easily the best tune from their cover of the “Dark Side Of The Moon” album. Yes, you read that right, they recorded the album in its entirety. I love this band and I still haven’t passed judgment on the album because it’s just so damn different. Now their actual album “Embryonic”? 100% Flaming Lips gold my friend.

One Day, They’ll Write Tales Of The Great Cinematically Correct DVD Purge Of 2010

The Dork Cabinet.

There are certain places for people that induce their best thinking. Some people do it in their cubicle, some do it in their office. Me? I do my best work in the shower. Let me rephrase: I do my best thinking in the shower. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to forget everything I had thought about by the time I’m towel drying my hair.  Seriously, I’m sure that I had thought of how “Lost” is going to actually end while in the shower but completely forgotten it moments later. You know this shower note pad? I need it.

However, I was lucky enough to remember my latest in a long line of brilliant forgotten ideas. I guess it’s not really forgotten since I am now writing about it. Anyway, I’ve decided to cut bait on several of my DVDs. There are several deciding factors that have brought me to want to box up many movies and take them to our local used DVD store, which is called Entertainmart. I’m not joking when I tell you that they once had the following message on their marquee: Our Prices Are Crunk. I don’t even know what that means but it terrifies me down to my very core.

Insanely enough, they actually pay top dollar for used DVDs. I’m talking anywhere from five to ten dollars per movie. That, my friends, is insanity. I wonder what they’ll pay for the extended editions of the “Lord Of The Rings” movies? Yes people of the Shire, I’m going to sell them. Why? I don’t have 18 hours to blow watching them. I think I’ll just snag the new regular versions of them that was just released on Bluray instead.

See, it’s decisions like that one that have brought me to this difficult decision. So, “The Wedding Singer”? Sorry, you’re gone. I even question why I owned you in the first place. “Goodfellas” on DVD? You’ve been replaced by Bluray homie. So here are some of the criteria I’m going to use when deciding what DVDs to rid our home of:

Don't worry Lost boxed sets...I'll never leave you.

• The Bluray Player

Last weekend, I picked up “28 Days Later” on Bluray. Believe it or not, this was the first time I had watched a flick for Bluray that I had only seen previous on DVD. Even though that movie probably isn’t the best example to use, it was still on a different planet than the DVD version. So, there will be certain DVDs that I will sell tomorrow, then replace with Bluray versions. First on that list? “Kingdom Of Heaven”, which I worship. Actually, all Ridley Scott DVDs will be immediately upgraded to Bluray Kickassery.

• Movies I Will Never Watch Again. Ever.

Yes, I have all the Kevin Smith movies. No, I will never watch “Jersey Girl” again. I only have it to complete some insane belief that I needed to own all his movies. This occurred when I had a serious DVD buying problem. I went to rehab, friends intervened, it wasn’t pretty.

• Focus

What do I mean by focus? My collection is very scattered. At this point in my life, I’ve latched onto certain directors and actors. For example, Ridley Scott and Michael Mann can do no wrong in my eyes. Well…except for “Public Enemies”. Bummer. Anyway, I need to rid my collection of nonsense and focus on collecting the brilliant works of directors like them. First on that list is to complete my Michael Mann collection, but only with Bluray versions of his flicks.

• Quality, Not Quantity

In the end, I’m shooting for quality. I want people to look at my Bluray collection and say things like, “Oh, you have ‘Dr. Strangelove’ and ‘Role Models’? How eclectic.” You know, snobby bulls*** like that.

If anyone has suggestions on other ways I can whittle this car crash collection down, by all means, email me or comment. I most likely will completely ignore your thoughts, but it’s fun to interact with other people while not actually speaking to them.

Plastic Version Of Mickey Rourke? Don’t We Have That Already?

More lifelike than Rourke's real face?

Oh, I kid, I kid. I’m a huge Mickey Rourke fan but it’s hard to ignore that he looks like he’s visited Joan Rivers’ face man a few too many times. The image you see here isn’t a promo still for the upcoming “Iron Man 2″, it’s the toy version of Rourke’s Whiplash character. Do I buy toy figurines from movies? No, I don’t. I mean, I’ve actually kissed a girl so I don’t need to get toys to put in my cubicle.

Just kidding. Just because I don’t have a doll of Gollum in my office doesn’t mean I’m not a huge geek. I just go to great lengths in disguising my inner nerdom. Well, other than telling the Internet about it on this blog…

Here’s an example of my movie geekness. I just read the rumor that there will be a scene after the end credits of “Iron Man 2″. In the first flick, Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark met with Samuel L. Jackson’s Nick Fury, which required theaters to carry smelling salts in order to wake up millions of passed out geeks. This time around, the word is that Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth will appear as Captain America and Thor in said end credits scene.

That is so kickass.

Cinematically Correct Knows Why Desmond Ran Over John Locke? Do You Wanna Know?

Throw Some Ben Linus In This PIcture & You've Got The "Lost" Top Three

If you are still having trouble realizing that the end is near for “Lost”, you are a very confused person. This couldn’t be any more apparent once Ilana blew up. While her death isn’t surprising, the manner in which it happened is and if anything, it shows that “Lost” isn’t afraid to take somebody out at anytime. I mean, this happened ten minutes into the episode for crying out loud.

Based on the title, it’s obvious that last night was going to be all about Hurley. Of course, if the people who decide on the names that show up in the credits could keep their act together, it may have actually been a surprise to see Libby and Michael return. Instead, ABC lets us all know by sticking Harold Perrineau and Cynthia Watros’ names in the opening credits. Come on ABC, you’ve dropped the ball so many times with “Lost” (moving nights every season, the “V” clock, etc.), at least keep these names out so we don’t see what is coming. Please?