Everyone, even Batman, thinks that these freaking “Twilight” movies completely suck.
Today, I’m debuting a brand new segment here on the Cinematically Correct broadcast that will either happen all the time, sporadically, or never again. We’re gonna have some Trailer Talk. Of course, by “we” I mean that I will write about these three trailers then tens of people will breeze over it then go about the rest of their day. It’s going to be epic.
First up is this brand spanking new trailer for “Paranormal Activity 2″. Is there any doubt this movie is going to suck? The first one is total bulsh. I spend 80 minutes watching two annoying California douchebags lay in bed, jump at strange noises, then get about two minutes of actual creepy stuff? Forget that noise. If you haven’t seen it, save your time and watch this trailer because it’s one minute and thirteen second runtime contains as many scares as the first film.
Ohhhh!! Shivers!! I’m so scared after watching that. Really. Mortified.
Let’s move on to something with a bit more substance and watch George Clooney be a hit man in “The American”. Clooney really goes for broke with this role as he romps around Europe in cool clothes, driving cool cars, saying cool things, and bedding hot chicks. A real stretch for the guy. In all seriousness, I am looking forward to this movie, mostly because I like movies about snipers in Europe. I mean, remember “Gotcha!” with Goose before he was Goose but after he was Gilbert. That movie rules. That’s right…“Gotcha!” rules. Soooo, watch this trailer for “The American” and admire my slick transitional writing skills.
Does it make Clooney sick to look in the mirror and see how handsome he is and to know that people are disfigured? Don’t you think he should think that?
The final trailer today is for “Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows”. There will be no mockery here…unless you feel the need to mock me, a 33-year old man-child that gets weepy over watching adolescent wizards use their little wooden sticks in an epic battle of good versus evil. No, there will be no mockery.
Look at that magnificent bastard.
Top Five Gary Busey Roles
5. Pappas, “Point Break”
4. Highway Patrolman, “Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas”
3. Eddie Lomax, “The Firm”
2. Mr. Joshua, “Lethal Weapon”
1. Buddy Holly, “The Buddy Holly Story”
Happy birthday to Gary Busey on his 66th birthday! Oh, I’d also like to wish Gary’s fine set of teeth a happy 10th birthday! There are horses that think his teeth are freaky.
Since the whole world is about to go LeBron James crazy, I figured I’d throw my opinion out to the Interwebs for all to see. If you are anything like me (God help you), then you are already sick of how the NBA tries to dominate the sports scene on a daily basis. So this whole free agency insanity that ESPN is going to try to force feed to the collective sports world will irritate you worse than one-ply toilet paper after a Taco Bell binge. Too much?
There are several reasons why the NBA, most particularly, the LeBron James situation, are exceptionally annoying. When I was growing up, this wasn’t an issue. As Magic and Larry built their phenomenal careers, I can guarantee you that it never crossed their minds to look elsewhere. I’m certain that players like Kevin McHale or James Worthy would have been good players by themselves, but Magic and Larry made them better. Has LeBron done that with any of his teammates? Not so much.
Why do I bring this up? It’s because LeBron is trying to take the easy way out. He’s down in Miami, participating in some ridiculous free agent summit with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. It’s insanity. Can you imagine Michael Jordan, Isiah Thomas, and Charles Barkley sitting around, plotting how they could find a team to go to and try to win the NBA Championship? It’s insulting to me as a sports fan. It’s everything that is wrong about the NBA.
While there are several things that I despise about NBA basketball, my main issue is that it is a superstar, not team driven, league. As a sports fan of very particular teams (everything from Philly. Only.), I cannot get behind how the NBA fan seems to get behind these individuals instead of teams. Now that Donovan McNabb is on the evil, awful Washington Redskins, I want every Eagles defensive lineman to try to decapitate him. I will not root for him…well, only when they play the Dallas Cowboys.
That isn’t how it works in today’s NBA. If LeBron signed with the New Jersey Nets, you would see thousands of Nets jerseys on the street within two weeks. I bet if you stopped the guys in that Nets jersey and asked them what city the Nets play in, they would have no clue. That fact alone sickens me, yet this seems to be a perfectly acceptable way for NBA fans to behave.
Think about it. What other sport is like this? Baseball? Nope. The NFL? Not a chance. The NHL? You pull for the laundry, not the player.
The best example of how it feels to pull for a team that I can give is the 2008 Philadelphia Phillies. Yes, I’m a Phillies fan and I’ll take any chance I get to talk about them, but this example fits. When the Phillies won the World Series in 2008, their team was filled with players that the team drafted or acquired while they were in the minors and brought them up to the major leagues. Their superstar players like Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, and Jimmy Rollins have only worn Phillie uniforms. This makes the team more endearing to me and I’m not alone regarding that sentiment.
So if LeBron and Chris Bosh decide they want to play in Chicago together, doesn’t that cheapen the entire sporting experience? If I was a Bulls fan, I would feel dirty about it. I mean, that city was fortunate enough to watch Michael Jordan take a garbage franchise and turn them into big time winners.
Ultimately, I feel sorry for Cleveland. It really should be the ideal situation for LeBron and that city. After all, he’s from Akron, OH. He’s essentially playing for his home team, with a legion of fans that are starved for a winner. If he was a real leader, a real athlete with desire and drive and passion to succeed and win, he would push his chips into the center of the table and stay in Cleveland. Instead, he wants to play the role of superstar diva and go play games with his buddies. Michael, Larry, Magic, Isiah, those guys had buddies too. They were called their teammates.
So, right here, right now, if LeBron runs off to Miami or Chicago or New York, it will make me enjoy watching him play much, much less. You could probably equate my lack of desire to watch LeBron to the lack of desire he showed in the second round of the NBA Playoffs this season.
Stay in Cleveland LeBron. Be a man. After all, if you don’t, I’ll have to root for Kobe Bryant to beat you, which is deeply painful for me.
Hey America, remember when I was the coolest?
Well, it seems like the end is nigh for Tom Cruise’s big budget, Hollywood blockbuster movie career. His latest flick, “Knight & Day”, has crashed and burned like Maverick’s first run at Top Gun in the box office. Personally, I’m going to blame Cameron Diaz for this failure, as she is box office poison.
I realize that I’m in the minority here but it kind of bums me out. Yes…I’m a Tom Cruise fan. I don’t really care about his personal life because he makes used to make damn entertaining movies. I don’t see why people can’t ignore his personal life craziness. If I can ignore Sean Penn, whose personal life and opinions make me completely insane, then why can’t everyone ignore poor little Tommy? Is it because he jumped on Oprah’s couch and electrocuted her?
The reasons for Tom Cruise’s demise are fairly strange. It all started going down hill when he split up with Nicole Kidman. That didn’t help the rumors that he’s secretly gay out much. What’s up with that rumor anyway? If he is, why not come out? I don’t know about you, but I could care less. Does knowing Neil Patrick Harris is gay keep anyone from thinking Barney is less of a ladies man? I should certainly hope not.
Then, the wheels flew right off for Tom. Katie Holmes. Calling Matt Lauer glib. The couch. The jump. “Lambs For Lions”. Epic failure, all around. The strange thing is that there are stars that have committed crimes and we still flock to see them in theaters. However, Cruise can’t seem to get over the hump lately. It’s a strange situation.
For me, it’s almost a good thing. I’m hoping he’ll take more roles like in “Valkyrie”, “Tropic Thunder”, or what I feel is his greatest role, Frank T.J. Mackey in “Magnolia”. But no, he’s going to do another “Mission:Impossible” movie, then move on to some ridiculous Hardy Boys movie with Ben Stiller. Presumably, they are doing this so that Stiller can do his Tom Cruise impersonation for two hours. Color me not enthused.
Unless you want to know how and when at least three characters in “Predators” gets killed, don’t watch this mother f***ing trailer. I am sick and tired of these assholes that put these trailers together completely spoiling movies for me. Yes, this is just “Predators” and it’s not like they showed me what Snape does at the end of “The Half-Blood Prince” or anything, but give me a freaking break. The actor I dig the most out of everyone in this movie? They show his demise in the first ten seconds of this thing. Complete and total 100% verified bullshit here.
So, to all you toolbags out there cutting trailers together: Watch the “Inception” trailers over and over again. That is how you tease a movie.
Cinematically Correct note: This post was rated PG-13.
Like many others, I was a bit skeptical about Seth Rogen putting on his action pants and starring in “The Green Hornet”. It was a bit comforting when Stephen Chou was on board to direct and star as Kato for the flick, but very unsettling when he completely bailed on the project. However, replacing him with Michel Gondry is definitely a sneaky way to my movie heart.
Well, the first trailer shows off what many of the stars do well. Rogen says awkward things and Christoph Waltz looks delightfully evil. Think he’s being typecast much? While it’s a slick little preview, I’m still a bit hesitant to dive completely into this one. The trailer is lacking in Gondry-isms. If you really wanted to sell the fact that Gondry is finally directing a big budget flick and you didn’t pull the reins on him, wouldn’t you put a few of his trademark brilliant visuals in the first trailer? One would think so…so the absence of them kinda says there aren’t any of those trademark visuals.
Then again, I’m probably over analyzing the hell out of this trailer.
Did you write a love letter to Chase Utley?
For the record? That is Danny DeVito’s foot and yes, it is quite disgusting. What interests me more than DeVito’s self-proclaimed troll club foot is the four guys directly above it. From left to right: Dennis, Charlie, Chase Utley, Ryan Howard.
They’ve done it. Phillies fan and “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” creator Rob McElhenny has finally nabbed two of the 2008 World Series Champion Philadelphia Phillies for the show. I thought that last season’s “The World Series Defense” episode was as close to the Phillies that the show could possibly get. Nope. It’s going on today, possibly as I type. The Gang (for those of you not into the show, that would be Mac, Dennis, Charlie, Sweet Dee, and Frank) are shooting all kinds of stuff in Philly for season six and this pic to the right is courtesy of DeVito’s Twitter feed, which is too strange for me to actually follow.
Hm, all this talk of “It’s Always Sunny” has me craving jellybeans. Raw, of course.
"Hey Leo & Michelle...did you know I was in the Krazy Eyes episode of 'Curb'?"
In an effort to continually prove that he is the biggest badass actor on planet Earth, Leonardo DiCaprio has officially signed on to play J. Edgar Hoover in the Clint Eastwood-directed biopic of the former G-Man. So this means that the directors of Leo’s last 20 movies include Marty Scorsese, Christopher Nolan, Ridley Scott, Edward Zwick, Sam Mendes, Steven Spielberg, James Cameron, Danny Boyle, and now add Eastwood to the list. Yeesh…what a bunch of hacks.
Sure, there are plenty of box office draws and great actors out there right now, but that list should just solidify that directors want to work with DiCaprio. Presumably, this is because they know that he’ll find a way to make lemonade out of lemons (I’m looking at you “Shutter Island”), hit home runs and get screwed (“Revolutionary Road”), and even get nominated for Best Actor from the wrong movie in the same year (“Blood Diamond” instead of “The Departed”?).
If you ask me, it’s only a matter of time before DiCaprio gets his hands around that Best Actor Oscar. I think that it’s jacked up he hasn’t won one as of yet anyway. Not only does that lack of a nomination for “The Departed” piss me off, he should have freaking won. Not to take anything away from Forest Whitaker’s Idi Amin, but he’s not even the star of that movie and he wins Best Actor?
It's Kramer...dammit you know who I am?
I’m about to praise ESPN for the first time on this blog. Trust me…this hurts as I despise ESPN. Last night’s 30 For 30 documentary, “June 17th, 1994″, was an intense, brilliantly edited piece of television that I seriously have trouble believing that I saw it on ESPN. Other than Baseball Tonight and their college basketball coverage, every single second of ESPN programming makes me cringe. Last night, it made me cringe in a good way.
The first thing that struck me about this documentary, which was brilliantly put together by the director of “The Kid Stays In The Picture” Brett Morgan, was the editing. There was no narrator. There was nobody telling us about OJ’s wild ride through Los Angeles on June 17th, 1994. We were only watching news footage, pieced together to create a coherent narrative. Can you imagine the sheer volume of recordings that had to be poured over to create such a thing? Not to mention the fact that it was pieced together in a way that created some serious tension.
Tension can be a hard thing to create when the entire audience knows how that day ended. I mean, we all know that eventually, OJ gave up his suicidal, guilt-admitting ride that night. Looking back, what disgusted me most was watching all the complete and total imbeciles cheer OJ on. Should anyone in their right mind have been on his team at that point? Innocent people don’t take all the steps that OJ did that day, but yet he had cheerleaders holding up signs for him.
It’s really something that you have to see for yourself. If anything, it’s fairly amazing to see all of the events going on in the sporting world that day. Personally, I remember being at a friend’s house, watching the Knicks and Rockets play in the NBA Finals. A friend’s dad called to tell us that OJ had lost his mind and seconds later, Bob Costas was telling us the same damn thing. What a fantastic doc and it’s easily the best thing that ESPN has aired in 2010.
"Deep Thoughts", By You