Why is it every time the folks at “Lost” throw us a Locke-centric episode, it completely rocks? Is it because Locke is the penultimate “Lost” character? It would be tough to argue otherwise now that we have seen Richard Alpert (Nestor Carbonell is back!) present at Locke’s birth, Alpert going to see Locke to test him, and finally, the great Matthew Abaddon visited Locke during his rehabilitation.

So here is Richard checking out little baby John Locke. Honest to goodness, when Richard was revealed, the hair on my arms stood up. I’m not trying to get all nutty here but that entire scene with Richard at the hospital to see the birth of Locke is, well, extremely Christ-like. Actually, I will make the jump and say that the car that hit Locke’s mother, Emily, hit her intentionally. I have two reasons to believe this: the first, that the car was driven by Locke’s scumbag dad, Anthony Cooper, who intended to kill Emily because she was pregnant. My other reason is a bit nuttier…what if someone from the Island hit her in order to induce labor or John’s birth? I think that’s pretty insane but then again, there have been 2,374 car accidents involving “Lost” characters (2,376 if you count the real drunk driving arrests) so is it really that wild of an idea?

We get to see the next sit-down with Richard and little John Locke. Richard goes to perform some sort of wild-ass test on Locke. I think people are going to assume that the items Richard asked John about are John’s in the future. I don’t buy that one. I will explain my belief once we get through all of John’s flashbacks. Richard leaves because he doesn’t like it when little Johnny plays with knives but before he leaves, he says that “John is not ready for our school”. Richard also told Ben that he was “not ready yet” at one point. Not ready for what you ask? Well don’t get snippy about it! I’ll explain soon.

In yet another attempt to show how feeble Locke was before he got to the Island, we see him as a teen getting stuffed into a locker. Look, we get it people. Locke was lame. Locke then meets with apparently the only good guidance counselor in high school history who tries to get him to go to Mittelos Biosciences Science Camp. Since Locke is a manly man, he refuses to go to some geeky science camp. Locke then, maybe for the first time, tells someone “don’t tell me what I can’t do”.

Mittelos, of course, is the company in Portland, OR that “employs” Richard and Ethan Rom. They also recruited Juliet and brought her to the Island. Somehow, Mittelos is a front company for the Others. I don’t think they have anything to do with the Hanso Foundation or the DHARMA Initiative. I think that Mittelos was created to combat those agencies.

The last flashback with Locke was one of the best the show has ever put together. Locke is rehabbing after his douche-dad shoved him out of a window. The orderly that helps Locke is none other than Matthew Abaddon. Abaddon encourages Locke to go on a walkabout. Locke whips out his “woe-is-me” attitude and declares himself a cripple. If you didn’t get some kind of jolt from Abaddon asking Locke “A cripple? Is that what you really are?” then you are dead on the inside. However, I don’t think Abaddon was there for Mittelos or the Island. Why you ask?

Well let me tell you my awesome new theory about John Locke that is so awesome that I will tell you about it! John Locke is Jacob. Now, that isn’t anything new. There are numerous people who feel Locke is Jacob. The thought for that idea is due to some wild-ass time travel deal. I am going a different route.

We don’t really know who Jacob is but whoever he is, he was very important to the natural inhabitants of the Island. Eventually, he died on the Island. As we all know, dead people pop up on the Island all the time. This is why Jacob can be seen from time to time. What does this have to do with Locke? I believe that Locke is Jacob reincarnate. Yes, the noise you hear in the distance is the alarm for the nerd alert.

Think about it and it kind of makes sense. Richard is there at Locke’s birth because the Island thinks that child is Jacob in his new body. Locke was born exceptionally premature and he lives. Richard goes to test Locke to see if they are right. Locke has one kidney and he lives. Locke falls from a window and lives. Locke gets shot by Ben and lives. The Island is keeping him alive, pure and simple.

Since we have yet to understand who Abaddon is, I am assuming he is a Widmore agent thus his visit of encouragement to Locke wasn’t in the best interests of Locke. Essentially, the two parties interested in Locke (Ben/Mittelos/Island and Widmore) want him to get to the Island at some point. I won’t get into that any further because I’m not a big “Lost” theory guy. Instead, I like to just watch the show and try not to put too much thought into it because, well, it’s kind of a time waste because what you think changes from week to week.

Let’s talk about what happened on the freighter and save Jacob cabin talk for last. Once that musclebound jackass Keamy found out that Michael was the rat, I immediately knew that Sayid realized what a terrible mistake he made in ratting him out. Keamy tries to shoot Michael in the face and, yet again, another gun misfires and Michael can’t die…much like Locke right?

Keamy then goes into crisis-lock-down mode and starts opening up secret compartments. After he reviews the DHARMA Initiative playbook, he decides it’s time to trash the Island. He straps some bizarre device to his arm and then loads up the chopper with weapons.

Captain Gault starts to get the feeling that Keamy and his guys aren’t going to play nice with the 815ers so he lets Sayid and Desmond leave. Desmond, in a decision that made me cringe a bit, stays on the boat because he feels he is closer to getting to Penny that way. Sayid then hops in an inflatable raft and takes off for the Island.

Later that night, my main man Frank Lapidus won’t fly Keamy and his Death Squad to the Island. You would think Frank’s goatee would be enough to intimidate Keamy…alas, not so. He wastes the doctor…who should have been dead already…my head hurts. Then, Captain Gault tries to stop Keamy from leaving and he shoots the Cap’n too! This Keamy prick has got himself quite the body count. The chopper leaves the boat but, since Frank is greatness, he drops a present in on Camp Boredom as he flies over it. Frank gave Jack & The Gang a brand spanking new satellite phone!!

Now…Jacob’s cabin. There were lots of interesting things going on with Locke, Hurley, and Ben. From this point forward, I will call the three of them Expedition Bad-Ass. Ben lets Locke know that the Island wants Locke in charge now, not Ben. Ben even tries to get Locke to admit how much he is manipulating Hurley, which he isn’t…I don’t think…he might be. So after Locke eats some ’shrooms and has a trippy dream with the annoying Horace Goodspeed, Expedition Bad-Ass is off to the DHARMA grave. Locke gets a map from Horace’s dead body and they set-off to the cabin.

Upon cabin arrival, Hurley chickens out and doesn’t go inside. Ben tells Locke that Jacob has chosen him and he isn’t going in either. This is Locke’s show now…and what an awesome show it was. The cabin is creepy enough as it is but last night made it even creepier.

The conversation with Christian Shepherd/Smokie was “Lost” at his best. Christian tells Locke that he can speak for Jacob and then tells Locke that he was indeed “chosen”. Then, in a very, very shocking moment, we see Claire chilling out in Jacob’s cabin! On a side note, how hot did Claire look? Normally, she is just cute and pretty but for some reason, she looked hot. Christian assures Locke that Claire is fine. Locke then asks Christian “How do I save the Island?” The answer is quite simple…you have to “move the Island”.

Wow. Like I said, Locke’s episodes are always greatness. This was another lengthy “Lost” recap from me so thanks to those who stuck with me and please keep on reading!