Jack…you are a lying bastard. “Lost” critics point out all the different aspects of the show that they call “not real” or “unbelievable”. Forget the smoke monster, forget the underground hatches, do you really want to know the most unbelievable thing on “Lost”? The fact that Dr. Jack Shepherd is still so blindly stubborn in his failure to admit that he is wrong.

Last week’s “Lost” had a lot of information in it and it was fired at us lightning quick. Part one of “There’s No Place Like Home” (have they given up on hidden references?) was lightning quick but not with info. Instead, our favorite Island castaways (other than Gilligan hot Mary Ann) moved at an amazingly fast pace that had me shocked when I realized there were only ten minutes of show left. Per my usual recaps, I do everything chronologically. This is more or less so my mom can read this and hopefully, get a better idea of what is going on with this show. Aren’t I the bestest most sweetest son ever? Sweet. I’ve got my Lostpedia reference source open and I am ready to go.

We start immediately at Camp WrongAllAlong as they try to decide what to do with their brand new satellite phone. Hopefully, these phones aren’t called satellite phones because they play “Satellite” constantly by Dave Matthews. That would be a complete and total beatdown. Jack decides that they are supposed to follow the phone to the helicopter (I hate the word chopper) so he and Kate take off into the jungle.

Jack and Kate run into Miles and Sawyer where they learn about the disappearance of Claire. Sawyer gives Aaron to Kate and decides to press on with Jack to the helicopter. Could this be the last time Kate sees Sawyer? Now, there are some massive displays of stubbornness from Jack here. He wants to keep on trucking despite the following pieces of information:

• He has a huge, bleeding hole in his gut due to lack of appendix.

• Sawyer tells him that the guys in the chopper will kill you.
• Oh yeah…Daniel and Charlotte admitted that they aren’t there to rescue them.

So by all means Jack, continue on.

Finally, Jack and Sawyer find the helicopter and my main man Frank Lapidus. Frank is handcuffed to the chopper seats and he couldn’t cut through the cuffs with his goatee…but not for lack of trying I am sure. Editor’s note: That will be the Frank Lapidus goatee joke for the week. Frank tells them Keamy and his guys are going to the Orchid station to wait for Ben Linus. Sawyer then tells Jack that Hurley is with Ben and only now does Jack actually have a legitimate reason to go chasing after Keamy and his band of merry maniacs.

Upon returning to the beach, Kate finds Sayid and since Sayid is 100% sure that Keamy is set to kill everyone on the Island, they go after Jack and Sawyer. Kate gives Aaron to Sun, who gets into the tiny inflatable boat with Daniel manning this tiny rescue operation. Also on the boat are Jin and a few 815er spares. I kind of get the feeling that these extra 815er who made it to the freighter are dead meat. They have to start thinning out the survivors right?

Once on the freighter, Sun and Jin have a chat with Michael. Michael gives a quick explanation about how he and Walt made it back to the real world. That quick explanation leads me to believe that our old buddy Michael is not going to last long in his return to “Lost”. I believe he is at the very least the person in the coffin and that we will see his death when the show returns in two weeks. That is not official spoilerage!! It is simply my opinion…stay away from spoilers!

As Kate and Sayid are tracking Jack and Sawyer, they realize that their tracks are side by side which are too organized for sand people…also the blast points…wow, how sad for me. Kate and Sayid get jumped by, fresh from his time traveling jaunt, Richard Alpert! How awesome was it to see him stroll out of the jungle? At that point, I told myself “the gangs are here”. Don’t you think that Richard and The Others are taking them to The Orchid? More on that when we get to the awesomeness that is Ben, Locke, and Hurley.

Desmond and Michael have fixed the freighter’s engine so they can get closer to the Island for a proper rescue. However, some kind of signal is being transmitted from the ship so they can’t use their fish finder or whatever the hell that RF nonsense was. While searching for the source of the interference, Desmond finds a massive stack of explosives. When Desmond went to seek the aid of Michael and Jin, I get the sinking feeling that is the last time Jin and Sun will be together. Yes, they are on a ship together but I think that really is it.

Finally, we are with the greatness that is Ben, Locke, and Hurley. Normally, I think that spinoffs are a bad idea but if the “Lost” peeps made a show with just these three, I would watch that sucker. On their way to the Orchid Station, Ben stops to check out a time capsule he buried 15 years ago. He pulls a mirror out and signals somebody in the jungle. My idea is that he was signaling an Other for help. That is why Richard grabbed Kate and Sayid. They are all going to The Orchid station for the showdown of all “Lost” showdowns, Keamy and his band of mutants against Ben, Locke, Sawyer, Jack, Sayid, Kate, Richard, and The Others. Oh Hurley too. If that is what we are barreling towards, how can we wait two weeks for something as potentially awesome as that?

The last image we are left with is Ben surrendering to Keamy. Ben gives some specific instructions about how to find the elevator to The Orchid and then just gives up. Ben knows what is going to happen and he also knows that Keamy can’t kill him…maybe. At the very least, Ben knows Widmore wants him alive.

Forget all that though, what about this elevator to The Orchid? Are we finally going to get to see what this image is all about? That reflection in the water of a cityscape has driven me batty all season. Is The Orchid really an underground city?

Oh Jack…you massive lying prick. Yes, the Oceanic 6 are safe and sound but there was some obvious tension on the plane. Every single one of those people, heck, even Aaron, was looking at Jack differently. Sayid stared him down in a way that says “It’s truly amazing how great you are at lying.” Sun had nothing but shock and disapproval for Jack. Kate looked as if she pitied him. Hurly seemed ready to explode with regret and sadness with every word that came from Jack’s mouth. Most painful conversation?

Jack: The press will assume we’re in shock.
Sun: We are in shock, Jack.
Jack: Then you should do just fine.

Sickening. That is simply sickening.

During the Oceanic 6 press conference, we can see that some reporters are quite skeptical of the entire story. Questions are raised about the viability of Kate’s pregnancy and also, Sun lies about Jin’s death happening during the crash. Immediately following the press conference, Sayid is reunited with Nadia. It was a great moment that “Lost” fans thought may never happen. There were no tears shed here…well, maybe a few. I was crying alright! Don’t judge me!

There are three large occurrences in the flash forwards. The first being when Sun bought a big chunk of her father’s company, Paik Enterprises, with her Oceanic settlement money. It was a great way for her to exact revenge on her father for turning Jin into a leg breaker. I am taking more away from this event. I think that Sun is going to play a key role in getting the Oceanic 6 back to the Island. From what I have read, everyone thinks that Paik Enterprises has its hands all over Dharma, just like Widmore Enterprises. Now, Sun is going to be privy to information about her father’s company, perhaps enough for her to rescue a still-alive (fingers crossed!) Jin.

The numbers are back. It’s been awhile since they have been mentioned but they came back in a big way in Hurley’s refurbished Camaro. Cheech fixed the car up as a memorial to Hurley after the crash. Yes, this made me cry. Whatever. You cried too. So Hurley and Cheech hop into the ride and, sure enough, the odometer reads 4-8-15-16-23-42. Hamfisted? Forced? Whatever. It was awesome and a welcome return to one of “Lost”’s biggest mysteries.

Lastly, the Oceanic 6 (minus Sun) all attend the funeral of Christian Shepherd. It turns out that Carole Littleton is also in attendance. Carole would be Christian’s mistress and Claire’s mother. She informs Jack that Claire is indeed his sister. Then, in a rub lemon juice in a cut kind of way, Carole walks over and tells Kate that her baby is beautiful. This is hardcore drama folks, plain and simple. I was really hoping that Jack could have something more to feel guilty about. So now, he’s decided to lie about how they left the Island that, oh, happened to have his sister on it.

This was another lengthy recap. There is just so much happening with “Lost” that you need 1600 words to get your message out there. Of course, I don’t really know what my message is other than Jack is stubborn, Ben is awesome, Cabin Claire is hot, and I have no idea what the #&$# is going on.