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Just Say No To Another “Pirates” Movie

There will be another “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie whether you or I like it or not. Disney has already locked up Johnny Depp to play Hunter S. Thompson Captain Jack Sparrow…again. Look, I love capitalism and I think that everyone should try to go out, work hard, and make as much money as they can. This is just canned-up entertainment designed to make Disney and everyone involved a gabizillion dollars. I realize that isn’t even a real amount of money. This movie will make so much money that the world will be forced to invent another monetary term.

There are a few key pieces missing from this movie/money printing press right now. Keira Knightly sounds like the only person that doesn’t want to make this movie. The director, Gore Verbinski, is also not signed up for this one yet. While Geoffrey Rush and Verbinski have both said they would be back, Disney may go another way director-wise. Cinema Blend has a scoop that if Disney can’t get Verbinski back, they have Tim Burton on the line to direct. They also plan on trying to get Sacha Baron Cohen or Russell Brand to play Jack Sparrow’s long lost brother.

Sigh. Why not have the gang go back in time to rescue humpback whales? Ooh ooh, I know…Captain Jack can go on a 72-hour bender with his attorney that ravages Las Vegas hotel rooms? No?

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