Home > MLB, Sports > Sports Flash!! Why The Phillies Are Awesome & Why They Will Win The World Series

Sports Flash!! Why The Phillies Are Awesome & Why They Will Win The World Series

Cinematically Correct disclaimer: The following was written by a die-hard, obnoxious, cry when they win, curse when they lose Philadelphia Phillies fan.

This is an opportunity for there to be a moment for me to see something that I have waited for my entire life: a professional sports championship for the city of Philadelphia. More importantly, it is for my favorite team of them all, playing my favorite sport of them all, the Philadelphia Phillies. The emotional consequences of a loss for me will be potentially nuclear. I mean that literally. I will actually explode in a nuclear bomb like fashion.

Fortunately for the rest of the United States of America, they will not have to worry about geothermal nuclear war (unless the Army builds the W.O.P.R.) because the Fightin’ Phils are going to win this World Series.

Way back when, in 1787, a group of fine Americans got together and adopted the United States Constitution. They didn’t do it at the Tropicana Dome either. They decided to get together in Philly buddy. Our founding fathers wanted to leave the oppressive rule of the British government. Plus, they kept forcing soccer down our throats and it totally sucks dude.

Then, Benjamin Franklin was awarded an expansion team and it was the Phillies. They have since lost 10,000 games.

Michael Jack Schmidt. Richie Ashburn. Steve Carlton. Pete Rose. Robin Roberts. All of these guys are in the Hall Of Fame. Whoops, maybe not all of them (the one with the bowl cut, not so much) but the Philadelphia Phillies have a rich baseball history. Of course, that history includes mucho losing but hey, at least it’s history.

What do you have Tampa? Squat. Wade Boggs. Big whoop. He did most of his adultery while he played in Boston so whatev. You have nothing but cowbells and Mike Alstott jerseys, that’s what you have Tampa…maybe this paragraph belonged in this post. Regardless, you suck Tampa.

Rocky F’ing Balboa. Forget your story Tampa, the Rock is the greatest underdog story of all time…and he is from Philly homie. Vegas says that the Fightin’s are the underdogs in this series and we know what happened in “Rocky”. Well, he lost…but we know what happened in “Rocky II”.

Will Smith. The aforementioned Ben Franklin. Betsy Ross. M. Night Shyamalan. Philly, Philly, Philly, and…Philly. Tampa? You have a Backstreet Boy, Hulk Hogan, and Randy “Macho Man” Savage”. Weak pal. The famous Philadelphians own your “famous” Tampa…well…Tampaites? See? There isn’t even a word to say you are from Tampa. Man, you are so in trouble starting tonight.



Pat’s. Geno’s. Game over Tampa. Phils win this one in five.

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