Who Did You Like More In “Some Like It Hoth”: Baby Miles, Goth Miles, Or Present/1977 Miles?
Read the title here and think about this: How insane would it be for a real person to try and comprehend the fact that their present was really 30 years ago? Seriously. I don’t even think that Morpheus or Neo could handle that one. Now, remember that your present is 1977…and factor in that you are living in the same neighborhood as your parents except they don’t know who you are because you are the 30-year old version of you. It’s probably a bit easier to swallow when that neighborhood is on a crazy Island complete with a smoke monster, nutty natives, and a time machine switch made out of a stupid, Roy Rogers wagon wheel coffee table.
So let’s just start off with one of the more obvious answers to a big secret: Yes, Liles is indeed Dr. Pierre Chang/Dr. Marvin Candle/Dr. Creepy Eye’s son. Yes, it seems like Miles was born on the Island, hence his ability to talk to the dead. It was pretty much assumed this was the case from season five’s opening scene in “Because You Left” when we saw the Asian couple caring for their baby. I think we all were about 80% certain at that point. Once Daniel showed up at the building of the Swan Station, we all knew there was some hardcore time travel going on and that put me at 99.4% certainty. There was that small 0.6% chance that Miles was actually the smoke monster or an Egyptian God of some kind…this is “Lost” after all.
So what made Miles become Miles? Well, we see that he learned to communicate with the dead at a young age. One could imagine that this would freak you out if you were a kid so this may have caused some problems for Miles’ childhood. We also found out that Miles’ dad was out of the picture at that point, which of course means we can add another “Lost” character with daddy issues to the mix.
One thing is for certain: Miles became a fan of having a pierced face. He went to visit his dying mother, apparently right after he attended a Joy Division listening party, to ask some questions about his ability and his father. His mom tells him that poppa threw them out when he was a baby and that he is now dead. Of course, this is fine with Miles…except his mom tells him that his body is somewhere that he will never find it. Never say never lady!
We move forward in Miles’ life and learn that he can’t communicate with the dead unless the body is present. An upset father pays Miles to tell his dead son that he loved him. Well, there was no body but Miles tells the dad that his son knew it, collects his money, and goes on his way. Was there any doubt that Miles was lying to this poor schmuck? It makes me want to place an ad and scam people…you know, like Miss Cleo.
Miles is then approached by Naomi, who wants to hire him for the new Charles Widmore Cruiseline To Crazytown. Naomi takes Miles to a body, who with Miles proceeds to chat. He tells her that his name is Felix and he was delivering photos of empty graves (creepy) and a purchase order for an airplane to Widmore. This would explain the reaction Miles had to the Oceanic 815 discovery on the radio last season. At that point, he had seen enough and probably been told enough to put together that the discovery was a total hoax. Miles turns down the offer…until Naomi offers him 1.6 million smackers.
Of course, we now know why Miles blackmailed Ben for 3.2 million bucks in season four’s “Eggtown” episode. Well…sort of. Why would he ask for double? I guess he’s a greedy dead person talker guy or something.
The next thing up for Miles is an abduction by masked bandits in a strange van. Miles is just chilling out with a fish taco when the van rolls up to him and the front seat passenger asks if he is Miles Straum. Mrs. Cinematically Correct recognized him immediately (I did not…to which I am ashamed). That guy is indeed Bram from Ajira 316. The side door swings open and some dudes drag Miles into the van. Bram tells Miles that he should not go to the Island…then busts out that insane “do you know what lies in the shadow of the statue” bit. Bram tries to bribe Miles into not going by claiming he has answers about his daddy, but Miles wants cash…3.2 million to be exact. He is obsessed with that dollar figure. When Miles shoots them down, they dump him off and tell him that they are playing for the team that is going to win…by which I assume they are Philadelphia Phillies.
Who are these people? I have an insane theory that I will present later. It involves lots of time travel, the real Others, Ben Linus…it’s probably so wrong that it’s painful.
Before Miles leaves for the Island, he goes back to the dad he “helped”. He gives him back his cash and tells him he didn’t talk to his son. Then, he delivers a massive verbal crotch kick and tells him that he should have told his son he loved him before he died. Ouch babe.
Okay…we are all caught up with flashbacks. Let’s get to the Island stuff, which wasn’t really the meat of the episode. Since Sawyer/LaFleur is off dealing with the Ben/Others situation, Horace needs someone to run an errand. He enlists Miles to go to Radzinsky and pick up a package. That package would be a dead body. Miles talks to the dead guy and learns that he was killed by a filling in his tooth. How you ask? Why, this guy was helping build The Swan (the hatch) and there was a big ass magnet there. Apparently, there was an accident, the magnet went off, and it pulled his filling through his skull. Death by dental work.
Kate and Juliet then try to deal with Uncle Rico’s panic over his son’s (Ben) disappearance. Juliet tells him that he simply disappeared, which is one of the weakest lies in “Lost” history. Kate worsens the situation by trying to console Uncle Rico, who then suspects that she knows more than she is letting on…which she of course does. Kate’s lying is so bad that Jon Lovitz’s SNL character The Liar was actually better at lying than she is.
After Miles brings the body back to New Otherton, Horace tells him to take the body to Dr. Chang at the Orchid. Since Hurley is supposed to take grub there, he tags along. Never mind the fact that it is too coincidental; the Hurley-Miles Comedy Duo is so great that I don’t care how it happens, get these two together.
During their car ride, Hurley deduces that Miles can talk to dead people. Hurley says that he can talk to them too. I am fairly certain that Miles really can talk to the dead, but the Island is somehow sending dead people to talk to Hurley. Miles also admits what we all knew and he tells Hurley that Dr. Chang is his dad.
On a side note…they can use “douche” as an insult on television? Sweet.
The highlight of the episode was quite obviously Hurley’s notebook. It seems that Hurley had been writing the screenplay for “The Empire Strikes Back” since it technically hadn’t been made yet. It was funny, but got a bit hokey when Hurley tried to compare the Luke-Vader father-son relationship to Miles’ refusal to talk to his dad, Dr. Chang. While it was funny, it is just too dorky for me…oh, who am I kidding? My “Star Wars” pants went crazy!
Overall, it was a good, not great, episode. There was some much-needed Miles history and now, we need to find out how or why he has this ability to talk to the dead. It could be due to the fact that the Island gives special powers…
…come on. Did you think I would leave out the final scene? One word can describe it: Badfreakingass. Miles was just hanging out in New Otherton, watching his dad hold him and read to him, when Dr. Chang got a phone call. He walks out of his house and Miles turns to leave…but Dr. Chang cries out, “Miles…I need you!”. Miles replies, in the most sad and excited way, “You do?” Me…weepy.
Dr. Chang needed Miles to go to the submarine dock to help with some visitors. Those visitors are scientists from Ann Arbor. “Lost” geeks collectively said “The DeGroots!”…but it was way, way better than that. Who pops out of that sub? Why, Daniel Faraday. “Long time, no see”? No freaking kidding! How did you get to Ann Arbor? Why did you go there? How is your mom? What the f*** is going on here?!?!
Okay, I rarely do this but…it’s time for me to bounce a theory off of you. Is it possible that all of this, Dharma, The Others, Jacob, the stations…are all due to Ben Linus? Look, the guy knew he could skip around through time right? Is there a chance that he traveled back in time and set all of these events in motion? He needed those stations built and he couldn’t get it done on his own. So, he travels back in time and gets some scientists to come to the Island. They start up Dharma and away we go.
The Others or Natives? I do believe that Jacob is their leader. However, I think Ben has manipulated his dealings with Jacob. He has somehow trapped Jacob (hence his “help me” to Locke in “Cabin Fever”) and he can go see Jacob and report whatever he likes back to Richard Alpert. Again, Ben traveled back in time and set it up so that he could control Jacob once he became leader of The Others/Natives.
“What lies in the shadow of the statue”? I have an idea of who these people are. They are the real Others/Natives of the Island. These are people that didn’t buy into Ben’s leadership and he banished from the Island. They are trying to get back to the Island and expose him for being a phony.
Is this all crazy talk? Probably. Have I completely thought it through? Not even remotely close. There wasn’t much to really delve into from last night so I figured I had to type something up, even if it was incoherent ramblings.
Next week is a clip show (BOOOO!) so we have to wait two weeks. It will be worth the wait because the next episode, “The Variable”, is rumored to be off the charts “Constant” good.