Vinyl: Stepping Up The Snob Level On Your Music Collection
It’s been on my mind for awhile but seeing a vinyl copy of Cymbals Eat Guitars’ “Why There Are Mountains” has cemented the decision for me: I want to start a vinyl collection. I can listen to as much obscure music and go to as many shows as possible, but I really won’t hit that upper echelon of indie rock douche until I have several bookcases full of records.
After some online shopping for the necessary equipment, I’ve learned that many of the dirty t-shirt wearing hipsters that were looking at the vinyl with me at Urban Outfitters last Saturday night are actually some of America’s highest earners. How could the 22-year old in the Robotech shirt and yellow porkpie hat make enough cash to spend on this expensive stuff?
I’ve just priced out a nice Sony receiver (complete with HDMI inputs of course) and it’s going to run me $350. That’s a budget buster for me, which begs the question: How the hell does that 22-year old kid know what the f&$# Robotech is? He wasn’t even alive when the series was on so that means he’s one of those schmucks that bought the shirt to get that checked off his Hipster membership requirements. I bet he’s got an ironic political shirt too, little jackass…wait, where was I? Oh yeah, audio equipment.
So I get the $350 Sony receiver (not really, but for the purposes of this fictional blog post, I bought it). Next up, speakers. Naturally, I need to have 5.1 surround sound. I thought about 7.1, but didn’t think that the guy from Neutral Milk Hotel would approve. Okay, $260 gone. Total so far is $610. Hmm…I wonder if the bank minds if you skip a month on your mortgage payments…I need to call them.
What’s left…turntable. Well, I have to have one that can transfer my vinyl to MP3 because if not, I would be going back in time and that is defeating the purpose of going vinyl. Or is it? I’m now confused with the purpose of this exercise. Regardless, I need to be able to listen to vinyl in my Prius/Smart Car/Vespa via the iPod/iTouch/iPhone. Oh my God in Heaven, there is a turntable that converts vinyl directly to an iPod. It leaves out the “convert to MP3” process altogether. It’s as if Jesus himself has come back, but in the form of a record player. Sold for $200.
Alright, I’ve got everything squared away for just a hair over $800. Now, I just need to get some records and I’m well on my way. Where do I go online to illegally download vinyl? Wait, what? You can’t do that? Hmm, that was the part of my budget in which I thought I would incur massive savings. It says it right here on my budget: “Cost of records – $0 due to peer to peer vinyl file sharing“.
On second thought, I’ll just continue to abuse the Internet and illegally download massive amounts of music since nobody really monitors that sort of thing. Anybody want to buy a hair over $800 worth of audio equipment? Selling point: You could start a killer vinyl collection with it.