The One In Which I Kick Tiger Woods In The Crotch Via Internet Posting
I only have one thing to say to Tiger Woods: How in the hell is Elin Nordegren not enough? Sure, she is rich beyond her wildest dreams and I’m sure that no matter what happens, her and their kids are going to be well taken care of. But…come on dude. How is a Las Vegas VIP hostess that can claim to be tablescraps of Stephen F’ing Dorff come remotely close to your smoking hot wife? Here’s the answer: She doesn’t and now Tiger is getting the Almost Kobe Treatment. It’s only almost since scumbagging your wife isn’t quite as poorly received as, you know, rape accusations.
Now, this voice message that Tiger left with some floozy is the only thing that makes me feel badly for him. Should something that only Tiger, his wife, and the floozy hear be available for the public? No, it shouldn’t. It’s a bit unfair.
Well, I really don’t have anything else to add to the Tiger Woods situation sooo…here are some inappropriate jokes:
- Tiger’s drive that night was the shortest of his professional career.
- The Nike 6-Iron: The only club proven to beat Tiger Woods.
- I heard the police asked Elin how many times she hit Tiger. She said, “Put me down for a six.”
- Phil Mickelson’s reaction? “So that’s how you beat Tiger!”
- What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? Why, they have both been clubbed by Swedes.