The Madness Of March: Penelope Cruz Gets Exposed, Borat Marries A Hot, Basketball Dominates Your World, & America Says Bring Us Your Poor, Hungry, & Uninsured!
Now that we are all medically insured by the 100% reliable United States government, you are completely safe to spend several minutes of your now government-sponsored life reading this blog. Seriously. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t a fan of spending your cash to insure yourself when you can just let people like, well, me do all the heavy lifting. It’s fun times to be in America…but is it fun times to be Captain America?
- It looks like Marvel has officially offered Chris Evans the Captain America role. While I was most interested in seeing John Krasinski try to pull it off, Evans is definitely a good, safe choice. He’s got to be able to hold his own in a room with Robert Downey Jr. and Ed Norton, so it will be interesting to see that dynamic…especially with noted control freak Norton.
- Want more Marvel Movies news? Louis Leterrier, director of the vastly underrated “The Incredible Hulk, is reportedly in the running to direct the first Avengers movie. I wonder if his chances are directly tied to the a) suck factor and b) total box office of “Clash Of The Titans”? No doubt if that movie makes some bank, Marvel will let Louis “Release the Kraken” all over the Marvel universe. See what I did there? Release the Kraken…get it?
- This may be off topic and so inside…but I wonder if Lana can get U.S. health insurance even though she’s in the Danger Zone?
- Borat married that red-headed hot chick from “Wedding Crashers”. Oh, she’s also in that “Shopaholic” movie…which pretty much details everything that is wrong with America. Seriously, any movie and/or book that seems to celebrate buying twenty pairs of Gucci shoes on credit needs to be destroyed. I mean it, burn the freaking prints.
- Need another reason to despise NBC? “American Idol” asked Conan O’Brien to participate in a charity show they are doing called “Idol Gives Back”. Since Conan’s deal with NBC prevents him from appearing on another network for a specified amount of time, they took the offer to NBC to allow them to clear it. I mean, surely they would let Conan appear since it’s for charity…right? NBC freaking said no. Once more, f— you NBC. You are television evil personified.
- Wait, I just read a report that Disney isn’t going to allow any women with breast implants be cast in the next “Pirates” flick…then how the heck is Penelope Cruz going to be exposed in it? Sure, if the second thing is true, I’ll totally buy a ticket but…oh wait, her character has been exposed. I see…well…forget what I said about buying a ticket…unless they pull back on the breast implant thing that is.
- Finally…I give you “Lost””s Jorge Garcia, shoes, and his pet chihuahua. Can it get any more precious?