Home > Cinematically Correct, Pop Culture, Television, TV Shows > For The First (Perhaps Last) Time Ever: Cinematically Correct’s “Dancing With The Stars” Recap

For The First (Perhaps Last) Time Ever: Cinematically Correct’s “Dancing With The Stars” Recap

Last night, a massive new audience tuned into ABC’s “Dancing With The Stars”. There are several psuedo-stars on the show that probably bring in a small chunk of audience all by themselves so I’m sure the ratings for the show will be off the charts massive. It no doubt will take a bite of the already shrinking audience for Fox’s “24”, which is getting worse and worse each week…thus ensuring that I die inside more and more every Monday night. Whether you are a fan of DWTS (that’s what the fans call it) or you simply love watching chicks with huge chemical balls attached to their chests, you have to admit that last night was nothing if not…interesting.

I have decided to review each “celebrity” using small, short phrases as I a) don’t really care that much and b) have to get to work. Guys first.

  • Chad Ochocinco: Good dancer (I think?). Immediately loses points for associating with Terrell F’ing Owens.
  • Jake Pavelka: Yeah, we get it with the roses. Stop sparing America and go back to obscurity.
  • Evan Lysacek: Dude, how can you suck at dancing? You dance on skates for God’s Sake.
  • Aiden Turner: I haven’t cared for him since “Legends Of The Fall”. His partner is smoking hot though.
  • Buzz Aldrin: I may be a prick, but I’m not evil enough to bust on the 80-year old astronaut.

Now, the ladies…

  • Shannen Doherty: She made more people cry last night than any of her acting ever has…or did it
  • Niecy Nash: Horrible dancing, but her inclusion means that Dangle may show up at some point.
  • Nicole Sherzinger: Never heard of her until recently, mostly because I don’t visit strip bars.
  • Kate Gosslein: Has to be the first to go. How can she exploit eight small children in PA from California?
  • Pamela Anderson: Her dancing just seemed too…hepatitisy for me.
  • Erin Andrews: One word can describe the performance of America’s Sideline Princess: Awesomesauce.

Until next week. Maybe. I barely made it through the show last night, Lord only knows if I can make it through two let alone an entire season. I warn you, if I do make it any further, it’s only going to get meaner, chippier, and probably not funny. Definitely not as funny.

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  1. March 24, 2010 at 11:41 AM

    you changed your Theme CC..
    we fear change…

    • March 24, 2010 at 12:33 PM

      Ah, it’s not all bad. I just was looking for something a bit more minimalist.

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