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Joe Strummer: The Movie

"The ice age is coming. The sun zooming in." Well, which one is it Joe? Global cooling/warming/climate change?

Now get this? The British production company, Film 4, has plans to make a Joe Strummer biopic. Um…yes please. In fact, email me. I’m interested in helping fund this thing. Well, by funding I mean I’ll give moral and verbal support. Unless it only takes like a hundred buck to get a producer credit. Then I’m totally in and stuff.

This really is a great idea. Of course, Joe Strummer was the lead singer of The Clash. That means he presided over one of the fastest rises to fame and also one of the fastest flame-outs of all time. If you ask me, the second half of the short career of The Clash is kind of crappy. I know, I know. It is so not hipster of me to say anything bad about The Clash. However, you go ahead and listen to “Combat Rock” and “Cut the Crap”. Once you’re done listening, try and tell me those albums aren’t complete trash with a straight face. They suck. You know it. I know it. Joe knew it. In fact, it may have killed him.

I apologize. That’s a lie. Joe didn’t die knowing that The Clash made two bad albums. In fact, any self respecting human being wouldn’t even suggest such a thing. I’m embarrassed. Joe died due to a congenital heart defect. But, if someone can explain what your genitals have to do with a heart defect, I’d really appreciate it.

Again, I’m sorry. I need to learn to write words more better than this as I am having trouble staying on point. The point is this: If anyone even considers casting Robert Pattinson as Joe Strummer I will…well…I’ll write a nasty blog post about it. I already read somewhere that folks were suggesting James Franco. Yeah, I guess that would be okay. My personal choice would be…well…it would be me. That’s right, I want to be Joe Strummer. I can smoke and drink and scream at band mates just as well as the next guy. You won’t even have to teach me how to play guitar. I’m perfectly capable of playing the six or seven chords needed to play the entire Clash song library.

Or I guess you could get Franco. What the eff has he done anyway?

Categories: Movie News, Movies Tags: ,
  1. November 24, 2010 at 12:11 PM

    Both “congenital” and “genitals” come from the verb “gignere,” meaning “to give birth.” Congenital problems are ones with which a person is born. I’m not going to explain what genitals are.

  2. Liam
    December 11, 2010 at 1:43 AM

    If you ask me its complete bullshit to go make some hollywood shithole movie about Joe. He wouldn’t have it. Not in life and certainly not in death. I hope the band stands up against this thing as it will almost certainly be defaming to the as well. Joe already made movies. If it were up to him I think he’d rather film makers focus on the injustice going on around the world. And by the way. Combat Rock is the shit. Maybe you should give it another listen.

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