This Is Me At Work On New Year’s Eve
It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything on here. This seems to happen to all bloggers. There’s a steady stream of nonsense then, it slows down to a few posts a week, then a sad week of inactivity. It’s kind of like the life span of a man’s prostate gland. So yes, I’ve been lazy for the past few weeks, both here and on MoviesOnline. I have excuses, such as illness and Christmas travel, but those are weak.
So instead, let me tell you a few tales about ships and whales. Last Monday, I was fortunate enough to be part of Airport Snow Disaster ’10. I’m not going to give you the names of the cities I visited in an effort to protect my already shaky anonymity. First of all, the trip started poorly as I realized upon getting to the airport to leave on Christmas Eve morning, I forgot my iPod on the kitchen table. For this transgression, I punched a homeless. After getting past that moment of arousal, I settled down and told myself it’s okay, I’ll just listen to the music on my iPhone…even though it’s not most of my music library. Look, when I travel, I need access to thousands upon thousands of records or my ear head brain may spontaneously combust.
Other than my lack of hundreds of indie albums, the trip went fine. I won’t go into details about visiting in-laws because who cares? Also, it’s not of your business you pervert. Besides, it’s not nearly as interesting as what it took for us to leave City A to get back to my sweet Dallas Palatial Estate.
Our flight was scheduled to leave at 3:30 PM from City A and arrive in Erotic City around 4:30 PM. From there, we would take a connecting flight to Dallas. Well, our flight from City A was delayed. Not due to snow. Not due to ice. It was delayed because there wasn’t a flight crew available to fly the plane to Erotic City. Yes. This actually happened.
So we waited. I Tweeted a lot. I played games on the iPhone. I listened to music. We were going to miss our original connecting flight. So, the nice man at the City A Airport booked us on a flight from Erotic City to Dallas later in the night. Surely we would make that one. Oh, did I mention that they bumped us up to first mothereffing class? Well, they did. I naturally nodded and told the gate agent, “Look at me. Shouldn’t a guy like me be in first class anyway?” He was not amused.
Finally, we take off with a flight crew consisting of a midget in clown make-up, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and the homeless man I punched earlier in the trip over forgetting my iPod at home. Probably not, but that crew is my best guess. The flight goes great and we get to Erotic City with about 20 minutes to get to our connecting flight. Sure, we don’t get to eat dinner but at least we would have made it.
The jetway was frozen. It would not extend to the plane. We are all stuck on the plane. As maintenance crews frantically searched for several hair dryers, we watched the seconds tick by and slowly realized that we are going to miss the next flight as well. And first class. I openly wept.
Once we get off the plane and I was questioned by authorities for giving the entire Delta flight team the double bird, we were told by a very nice man that there we were going to be staying the night in Erotic City on Delta’s dime. What a pleasure. So, we were given two $6 food vouchers each and a hotel room at the Comfort Inn. Oh, we also were given a fine overnight bag complete with products that Walmart wouldn’t sell in their dollar aisle.
The next morning, we woke and made it to the airport and finally had an easy go of it. Upon arriving in Dallas around 4 PM on Tuesday afternoon, I immediately showered off the stink of two crap days spent at airports and fleabag hotels. Then, laid in bed for three hours. Upon waking, I was treated to a day’s worth of crappy treatment from my boss. So it’s been an interesting holiday season for me so far.
However, my wife bought me a sweet turntable for Christmas. I’ve already snagged a few Ryan Adams records, Wilco’s “Being There”, and Pearl Jam’s “Ten”. So I have that going for me…which is nice.
Now I’m working on New Year’s Eve. So there’s the story. Do with it as you will and please have a safe and happy New Year’s Eve holiday. As for me, I’m going to spend it hitting on my wife’s friends.
Cinematically Correct note: I’m listening to Prince now. Weird.