Last night, lead singer of The Flaming Lips/greatest rock front man alive today Wayne Coyne personally delivered vinyl copies of his band’s collaboration with Neon Indian to Good Records in Dallas, TX. As I have been following The Flaming Lips for about twenty years now, I naturally went to not only get the record, but be presented with the chance to meet Wayne.
I met Wayne. He shook my hand. I said thanks for coming to Dallas. Then I froze. I have never really been the starstruck type, but I went completely stupid. I don’t know if I said anything coherent. I do know that he signed my record.
Then…he hugged Mrs. Cinematically Correct and I. And a picture was taken. I am not a fan of pictures, but I couldn’t and still can’t get that stupid grin off my face.
You are looking at the tire of a Toyota Camry. This morning, said Toyota Camry tried to stop on an iced over driveway and instead, slid into oncoming traffic. It is not my Toyota Camry, it is Mrs. Cinematically Correct’s Toyota Camry. Also, I am being paid each time I mention the words “Toyota Camry”. It really is a fine automobile, never mind that whole shitty brakes problem from last year. That was a total fluke.
So yes, there was a tiny fender bender today. Normally, you can place blame at one of the drivers. With all the well-documented crap weather in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area recently, you could even blame that. Nope. I’m going to blame our garbage, no-good, moronic home owners association. Why? Mostly because our entire condo complex parking lot could host an upcoming Dallas Stars NHL game. Luckily, no one in Dallas would attend because 80% of Dallas fans are fair-weather fans and the Stars haven’t been good for enough years in a row for them to care.
Where was I? Oh yeah, the HOA. Throw down some salt. They could at least pretend to make an effort for the ridiculous $200 a month we send them. Instead, we get sub-renters cooking meth, huge guys that look like the Predator, and people who let their dogs shit on the sidewalk. If you pulled that in the northeast…I shudder to think.
Does this sound like a bitter rant against Dallas? Oh, you better believe it. I’m sick and tired of this city half-assing it’s way through everything. I understand that ice storms of this magnitude are amazingly rare for our area. But, shouldn’t you have that contingency plan ready to go just in case? I don’t care if it’s in a folder on somebody’s desk collecting dust for two decades. Last week, when everyone knew we were going to get bombarded, somebody should have said, “Wait…doesn’t Bill have some folder on his desk that tells us what do in this instance?”
So, without further adieu, here is what a Toyota Camry (cha-ching $$$) looks like when it slides on Madison Square Garden-like ice and T-bones a school bus. No one was injured. Thank goodness.
So the police came. Then EMTs. They had to check every single kid on the bus to make sure they were okay. Other than the normal amount of kid brain damage, they were all fine. For roughly two hours, we stood in the cold and watched passers by gawk and stare like morons, almost getting themselves into accidents as they did it.
While standing there, I happened to look across the street. I saw something that had to be said aloud to others nearby, but I could not speak. A tiny ball of fur was anxiously running across a six lane road directly at me.
An effing Pomeranian.
Not kidding. This little bastard came running across the street with this stupid look on its face. It was almost saying, “I KNOW I SHOULDN’T BE OUT HERE I’M A HOUSE DOG BUT I GOT OUT ANYWAY RUN RUN PEOPLE WHAT ARE CARS!” He was quite excited to see us. So much so, that Mrs. Cinematically Correct let it lick her cheek. Ew.
As any middle-class white person would do, I immediately wanted to save this dog from its street-crossing lifestyle. I can deal with a smashed Toyota Camry…but watching a dog eat it due to some redneck in a Tahoe is just way too much for this hardest core sprots bloger to take.
So we held on to the little guy for about ten minutes. I was hoping to keep him. He seemed nice enough. Then, a kid came shuffling up the sidewalk and told us that our new little friend got out while he was letting his pit bull outside. Great. So this Pomeranian gets to hang out with a maneater. We handed the little guy back over to his owner.
Then, in a move that almost made me puke, the kid smacked the dog in the face. I am not kidding. I wanted to beat the living shit out of this kid. Perhaps the police that were still lingering around would have arrested me for throttling a teenager, but I think they would have granted me mercy. We were both so shocked by this disgusting smack that we stood in silence, unable to even scold him or express our disgust.
So in a nutshell, today has been strange. Oh yeah, almost forgot…here’s the puppy.
There are several factors to what is contained in this post. One being that I am exceptionally busy at work. The other is that I am completely in love with this new Twitter/Wordpress image thing. It’s just the coolest thing that I’ve ever seen on the Interwebs of all time for today.
Ahem. Here’s some pictures or funny things people said about Wolf Parade at the Granada Theater in Dallas last night.
My reply to said beard mockery:
There were several concerts that I attended in October. I was fortunate enough to see The National, Local Natives, and Sufjan Stevens. I didn’t really write about any of them. Sure, my anticipation for those shows was high, but not like today.
You see, today is Wolf Parade…and I effing love Wolf Parade. Easily in my top five favorite bands working today…which quickly are:
Wolf Parade, The National, Ryan Adams, Wilco, Grizzly Bear
Wolf Parade are like a kickass synth-pop alterna-rock version of The Talking Heads. But Canadian. And with two singer/songwriters. And those two guys have their own bands thus creating a triangle of Wolf Parade-sound. Ish.
Quick history lesson: Wolf Parade’s two singer/songwriters are Spencer Krug and Dan Boeckner. Krug’s other band is called Sunset Rubdown and they are a bit more rock sounding. Boeckner’s other band is called Handsome Furs. There are two members of Handsome Furs, Boeckner and his wife, Alexei Perry. They have a more electronic sound, consisting of cool guitar effects over drum machine beats. If you really want to geek out on them, here is a link to their wedding photos. It looked like quite a show.
So tonight, I’ll be live Tweeting (if I’m not too excitable) the Wolf Parade concert at The Granada in Dallas. Of course, you can follow my awesomenicity on Twitter, Chiccywood. In the meantime, here is my dream setlist:
“Apologies to the Queen Mary” – “You Are a Runner and I Am My Father’s Son”, “Grounds For Divorce”, “Shine A Light”, “I’ll Believe In Anything”
“At Mount Zoomer” – “Soldier’s Grin”, “Language City”, “California Dreamer”, “Fine Young Cannibals”
“Expo 86” – “Cloud Shadow on the Mountain”, “Palm Road”, “Ghost Pressure”, “Pobody’s Perfect”, “Little Golden Age”, “Yulia” (they could play this three or four times), “Cave-O-Sapien”
Ryan Adams has a less than stellar reputation in the music world. It is probably more well-known for his temper tantrums than his music. There are a handful of documented incidents in which he will stop down live shows to berate an audience member, yell at band members, or just flat out quit and leave. For those in audience Friday night in Dallas, those past incidents couldn’t have been further from the truth. Not only did Ryan Adams & The Cardinals sound great, Ryan was on his best behavior. Scratch that, Ryan was a riot.
The band came out and I was immediately concerned. During the opening song, “Peaceful Valley”, Ryan’s microphone was entirely too low. After about 90 seconds, I was in panic mode knowing that could be enough to set him off. They fought through it and went right into a great version of “I See Monsters”, so great that it brought on a standing ovation. Ryan thanked us and jokingly exclaimed “Thank you…goodnight!”. I was then able to take my foot off the panic accelerator.
The band continued on and didn’t really play much off “Easy Tiger”, the newest album. They mostly chose songs from “Love Is Hell”, “Jacksonville City Nights”, and, shockingly, “Gold”. Sobriety has really paid off for Ryan because his voice sounds great. As you will see from the next picture, he was replaced booze with caffeine. Lots and lots of caffeine.
There is chain of fast-food chicken joints here called Cowboy Chicken. Ryan decided to tell us that he noticed one of them except he called it Combat Chicken. He then sat down at the piano and played an improptu version of a new song, apparently called “Combat Chicken”. He was then corrected and told the right name of the establishment. Ryan then said that name didn’t make sense to him because there was not a chicken on this planet that could ride a horse. Insert drum roll here…which the drummer Brad Pemberton was nice enough to do.
When Ryan jumped on the synthesizer (seen above), I started to get a sense that we were in for a treat. There was a light above the synthesizer that only came on and spotlighted him as he played it. This synthesizer was not actually used one time for song purposes, just so he could play it and make strange gestures upward. Hilarity ensues…
The first set lasted about an hour and completely rocked. From “Cold Roses”, “Shakedown on 9th Street”, to “One More Kiss Before I Go”, it was obvious that Ryan and the Cardinals were on top of their game. After an hour, Ryan told us they were going to take a break and come back for a second set. He babbled on for a minute or so but I couldn’t hear him due to the applause. After about 15 minutes, the band came back. Then Ryan walked out…wearing this:
A chain mail vest. A spiked dog collar. Gauntlets. Spiked boots. Ryan had morphed, in fifteen short minutes, into Gene Simmons. Ryan then told us, before the band went into a great performance of “Two”, that “this is the ballad” in his best metal band singer voice. Oh my goodness…who kidnapped Ryan and who is this guy that took his place? He then put his guitar down, told us with his metal voice, “this is another ballad”. He stepped to the front of the stage in full rock star pose and sang “Goodnight Hollywood Boulevard” complete with fist pumping and skyward poses, seen below:
I don’t have much more to say about the chain mail. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen at a live musical performance.
Here is Ryan getting some rock inspiration from the heavens:
Ryan eventually took off the chain mail. He then admitted it was the first time he ever did that and he felt very awkward. Maybe you had to be there, but it was a laugh riot. Ryan then put on the harmonica, grabbed an acoustic guitar, and told us, “You’ve been a really sweet audience and I’m going to catch hell for this…”. All it took was two seconds of harmonica for the crowd to know we were going to hear “Come Pick Me Up”.
True Ryan Adams fans know that he does not play this song anymore. It was incredible. Ryan smiled and sang and the band looked like they were just enjoying everything that happened that night. After “Oh My Sweet Carolina”, they were done. It was the maybe the most fun of a show I have ever been to. Oh and before they left, Ryan told us “that even though everyone in the band was in relationships, they still found us all sexually attractive”. Sweet.
Being a big Sorta fan, I am saddened to hear the news about Carter Albrecht this morning. Carter was killed early Monday morning. It sounds like he was definitely having some problems last night and he was eventually killed by his neighbor, who mistakenly thought he was a burglar. All of this happened after a long night of drinking for Carter and he had already been in a violent argument with his girlfriend.
In addition to Sorta, Carter was a member of Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians. I hate to say this but it really puts a damper on the prospects of Sorta continuing as a band. I don’t know if this will get to any of the other guys in the band but, as a real fan, I sincerely hope you keep it going. Carter will be missed and his family and friends are in my thoughts.