The Time That Zombies Attacked My Fraternity House & I Used My Black Ops Skills To Defend It
Lots has happened since I lasted posted something on Cinematically Correct. For one, we all celebrated Thanksgiving. Well, all of us except those damn dirty Commies trying to destroy our economy. We also went through Black Friday (a fantastic Steely Dan song BTW) and are currently enduring Cyber Monday, which as we all know is about this:
Ha. But seriously, plenty has happened. Bad Korea is upset over Good Korean calling them names and stuff, some guy named Wiki leaked all over the place, and more importantly, I wrote a review of the fifth episode of “The Walking Dead”. Get your priorities straight and read the ramblings of a mediocre writer made further unreadable due to sleep deprivation.
But on to the real task at hand. Last night, I woke up at some point in the middle of a fairly odd dream combining several things that I had recently watched. Obviously, they had been rattling around in my head brain and were combined in a fiery ball of flaming fire. For some reason, my mind had combined “The Walking Dead”, Call of Duty: Black Ops, and my fraternity house to create a monstrosity that could not be slept through. Certainly someone was trying to go all “Inception” on me and I snaked my way out of it. I’m clever like that, so stop trying to infiltrate my dreams DiCaprio.
My fraternity house (which I haven’t visited in over ten years) has three floors. I should say “had” three floors as the charter was pulled by the University and the house turned into apartments thus destroying years of my youth…I digress. On the back of the house is a large wooden fire escape. Yes, it’s wood. That way, if the house caught on fire, it would too. Genius, I know.
I found myself perched atop the fire escape, rifle in hand, plugging away at the oncoming zombie horde. Of course, this was all done in first person shooter style, complete with a laser sight and everything. I laid there and fired away, only stopped by annoying sorority girls (are there another kind?) and the occasion zombie that staggered past my defenses. I even shot a few rival fraternity members just in case they may be zombies. Look, just because a zombie is saying, “Hey, please don’t shoot me! I’m a real guy!” doesn’t mean they are telling the truth. If anything, zombies are a very dishonest bunch of non-dead dead people.
So I shot at what had to be tens of zombies, alley cats, prostitutes (except when dead, they’re called hookers), West Virginia University graduates, Green Party members, etc. You know, all menace to society type people. Oddly enough, I’m a very non-violent person when I’m not playing a video game that awards you bonus points for shooting someone in the face or stabbing them specifically in the back. I’m a big believer in the right to bear arms, but I truly despise guns. That’s not a joke. That’s a rare actual opinion that I really, really hold.
I woke up before I really got a chance to understand how the zombies came to be. It would be super if I could learn why I felt the need to defend a fraternity house that I haven’t seen since Al Gore thought he could be President. You would think I would want to guard my actual home today. Of course, it’s only in danger from a guy that looks like the Predator and several large barking squirrels so there’s really no danger there.
Cinematically Correct note: This is really all I’ve got today. [whispers] I’m sorry.