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The Ten Things You Can Watch Me Do During My Fantasy Baseball League Draft

1. Highlight names of players I draft in yellow.
2. Wonder how the other MLB teams don’t have Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels, & Roy Oswalt.
3. Consult local legend/draft expert/Super Bowl planner expert Jerry Jones with each of my choices.
4. Drink Diet Coke.
5. Costume changes that involve several pieces of Phillies gear.
6. Annoy my wife with what is most definitely clever banter, but she simply doesn’t understand.
7. Loudly question why 1993 Lenny Dykstra is not available to be chosen.
8. Not eat gluten.
9. Bombard your ears with my own Chris Berman-style names for current day players.
10. Openly cry as I watch the 2008 Philadelphia Phillies World Series Championship Bluray disc.

Categories: MLB, Pop Culture, Sports Tags:

Halladay, Blanton, Lee, Oswalt, Hamels: The Greatest Five Man Table Sit Of All Time

February 14, 2011 3 comments

ROYJOECLIFFROYCOLE


It’s going to start early this year. I’m already in full-on Phillies giddiness. For example, today’s work clothes consist of a brand new Phillies hoodie, a Cliff Lee thong, and nothing else. Oh yeah. Vans. I’m wearing some Vans.

So I apologize in advance. But I’m really not sorry. That’s just me being nice. I want the Phillies to go 162-0 while decimating every single Major League Baseball team along the way. Including the team that you like, whichever it may be. In fact, I hope they beat the team that you like ever worse than the other teams that you don’t like. If it’s the Mets, I hope they double beat them.

Sports Flash!! Enter This Contest & Support A Blogger Sports Person

January 18, 2011 1 comment

As a blogger, I like to support other bloggers. Not financially. I like to link to them and stuff like that. There are movie blogs and music blogs that I visit quite frequently, most of which you can find on my links section. I am also a big sports guy. I do have a tendency to drift towards blogs that talk about what I love most: Philadelphia sports. When I need some baseball stats like wOBA or VORP, I go to Crashburn Alley. If you think that crazed female sports fans don’t exist, I suggest you check out Chicks Dig The Long Ball. If you’ve got some time at work that you want to spend not working, why not listen to the Upon Official Review podcast. It’s a good strong listening fun time.

This blog gets its own paragraph: The 701 Level. Yes, I realize that many people don’t get it or don’t think it’s funny at all. I laugh until I cry every time I read it. It’s not very safe for work as the language is fairly obscene. Well, I think it’s obscene. It’s hard to tell sometimes as Shep and Gil’s English isn’t too good sometimes. It goes without saying that they are two hardest core sprots blogers runnnin the sprots blogin game.

Lastly, there’s the Sportschump and their first ever Super Bowl Contest Giveaway Special Spectacular Gift Good Get Win Maybe Hats. Actually, that’s not what it’s called. I made that up. Sorry about that. However, I encourage everyone to go to their site and enter their Super Bowl contest. They encourage the funny and you could win a hat. More importantly, you could win the hearts of thousands by being a sports humorist. So click these highlighted words and enter.

Here is my entry:

1. The Packers will pull this one out, mostly because Aaron Rodgers is on a higher level of FIGJAM than Jay Cutler.

2. The Steelers will finally end this Rex Ryan debacle. Thank goodness as I’m sick of crappy foot jokes.

3. Steelers. I’m only pulling for them because Mike Tomlin is such a handsome dude & I want them to continue to pull away from the hated ‘boys for most Super Bowls ever.

4. Big Ben Rapelisraper. Or Roethlisberger. I can’t remember how to spell his name.

The total score of Steelers-Packers? Eleventy hundred and seven. Or 48.

 

Sports Flash!! Rex Ryan, Rex Ryan’s Wife, Feet, & My Twittering About Rex Ryan, Rex Ryan’s Wife, & Feet

December 22, 2010 1 comment

Over the past two days or so, New York Jets head football coach Rex Ryan has had to deal with a few videos that have surfaced. In these alleged videos (which you can see on Deadspin here), Rex Ryan’s wife is shown showing off her feet. Yes, it appears that she and the man behind the camera (who clearly sounds like Rex) have a foot fetish. You know what? I don’t really care what married couples do behind clothes doors. They can hump each other’s feet until they don’t feel feelings anymore, what do I care? They aren’t doing anything wrong, aren’t hurting anyone, so big deal.

That being said, it’s pretty funny. It’s this funny:

http://twitter.com/#!/Chiccywood/status/17760474951061504

http://twitter.com/#!/Chiccywood/status/17761280458752000

http://twitter.com/#!/Chiccywood/status/17761835516170240

http://twitter.com/#!/Chiccywood/status/17762360680779776

http://twitter.com/#!/Chiccywood/status/17765055755980800

Sports Flash!! Cliff Lee & The Phillies Create Four Headed Pitching Monster That Will Eat Your City

December 14, 2010 4 comments

Merry Cliffmas. Happy Holladay. Oswalt To The World. Umm... Cole Hamels too.

A quick search through the substantial archives of Cinematically Correct will reveal that I am a Phillies fan. I’ve written extensively about my sick worship of all things Philadelphia. To me, Rocky Balboa is pretty much a real guy. The “Fresh Prince of Bel Air” theme music is on my iPod. Even though it’s steeped in disco 70s pop cheese, my favorite Elton John song is “Philadelphia Freedom”.

Last night, Cliff Lee rejected the Yankees and Rangers and chose to sign with the Philadelphia Phillies. Yankees fans are calling him crazy for turning down the money. Ranger fans are treating him like some sort of LeBron James jackass. Some say he couldn’t handle the pressure of New York. Some say he couldn’t handle being the clear ace of the Ranger pitching staff.

This is all horseshit. Think there isn’t pressure in Philly? We boo everyone, just ask Darren Daulton’s son, who was booed in a father-son softball game because Daulton couldn’t hit his weight. I don’t care if you are on a pitching staff with Cy Young, Don Drysdale, Nolan Ryan, and Roy Halladay, there is pressure in Philly.

Also, what about the added pressure of being in a rotation consisting of Halladay, Roy Oswalt, and Cole Hamels? If you don’t think those guys are going to be pitching to outdo each other, you’re crazy. Just ask Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, and John Smoltz about how competitive they were. I mean, those guys wanted to outhit each other for God’s Sake.

LeBron? Please. Cliff Lee didn’t orchestrate this move. Cliff Lee isn’t turning his back on anyone. He chose the Phillies over everyone else because he loved playing for them. It’s no secret how floored he was when the Phillies mistakenly traded him almost one year ago to the day. It’s almost as if the Phillies and Cliff Lee knew that it was a mistake and this was to make up for the error.

Look, it’s not like Cliff Lee is getting minimum wage here. He’s getting paid a boatload of money that will take care of his family for at least two generations. However, in an age when most pro athletes simply take the biggest paycheck available (coughJaysonWerthcough), Lee took less money to play where he was comfortable. It’s where he wanted to be.

So in conclusion, suck it Yankees.

Cinematically Correct note: The picture here was made by Phylan of Twitter. Sacrilegious? Yes. Hilariously brilliant? Totally.

Randy Moss: The Pride Of Marshall University

Sigh. I remember way back in the mid 1990s when I attended Marshall University and saw this guy hurdle another player. Now, he regularly quits on plays and gets his quotes mixed into hip-hop tracks. Greatness. Thanks Randy!

I Survived The Great Philly Sports Depression Weekend & All I Get Is To Come To Work Today?

October 25, 2010 1 comment

Rare photo of Cinematically Correct shortly after the Phillies loss on Saturday night.

It’s been a rough weekend. On Friday, I chose to stay in and watch the New York Yankees get their face kicked in by the Texas Rangers, en route to their first World Series ever. Yes, it’s very exciting for them. However, I knew that meant I would be coming to work today and be surrounded by several brand new lifelong Rangers fans. As a demented Philadelphia fan since birth, the sheer idea of bandwagon and fair-weather fandom is beyond my comprehension. To see it regarding the Rangers to the extreme that I am seeing it today, really makes what happened on Saturday night even more nauseating.

See, I now have to spend the next week hearing about the silly Texas Ranger franchise in the World Series without my beloved Phillies playing them. Instead, the Rangers are going to get to annihilate a pieced together team full of cast-offs. I’ll give them a handful of players (Lincecum, Posey, etc.) but Cody Ross? Released by the Marlins this season. Pat Burrell? Released by the Rays and out of baseball for about a week. Aubrey Huff? He’s been on every team in the league. So, the combo of Rangers in the World Series and the pathetic scrub roster of the Giants makes the Phillies loss even more exceptionally painful.

Then, the Eagles go and blow a lead yesterday and get smoked by the Titans. One would think that Kenny Britt beat up enough people over the weekend, but I guess he felt the Eagles secondary needed one as well. Ellis Hobbs, to be specific. I won’t go into analysis here, as I would like to avoid going completely batshit insane.

The good news is that I did watch the final episode of AMC’s “Rubicon”. What a great first season. It’s suspenseful, dramatic, and way, way smart. It’s probably too smart for its own good. The only issue I have is that it did kind of end in an anti-climatic way. I guess I expected the bad guy to get his come-uppance. Instead, it’s kind of set up for an ongoing power struggle, which is fun times.

The bad news? This pains me. Deeply. “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” has not been good. It’s just…I don’t know. It feels so forced. I really liked “Mac’s Big Break” with the Flyers game and the podcasting, but overall? Bad season. It started off really poorly and it’s tried hard to recover, but it feels like it’s running on fumes. Of course, it’s hard to beat the greatness of “The World Series Defense”, which is the gold standard.

So yeah. That’s really all I’ve got. Follow me on Twitter. Root for the Rangers. Or the Giants. I don’t care…as long as you also hope the Dallas Cowboys lose tonight. That’s really all that matters people.